Dear Irongoddess,
I've recently had some financial hardship and went to ask my brother, who's a partner in a successful and well-recognized law firm, for some advice. Yeah, I know that I don't have the best paying job in the world, and it's all wrong for my skill set and not even something that I like to do, but why does he always have to end up making me feel like crap and totally worthless?
He had only one word of advice. It was to drop my volunteer work 'cause it was wasting my time and my energy and that I should be looking for paying work instead. I've been helping out with autistic people of all ages since I was a teenager at a facility where our mum used to work. I do all sorts of activities with them, even accompany them on their field trips, and I've helped so many of them who are highly functional get ready to live on their own once they became old enough.
I don't want to give this up since it's dear to my heart but my bother has a point, and he has helped me out financially a few times. Why can't I just be successful like him?
- Isabelle from Winnipeg
Dear Isabelle,
Why should you care so much what your brother thinks? Does he help you out financially because he loves you or does he expect you to obey him? Is there a particular reason why you should be more like him or strive towards the same things?
I personally think your brother is way off base with his "advice". With your volunteer work, you are doing what you love to do. It is extremely rewarding since you are helping to make a difference in people's lives. And this is because YOU CARE. I am sure all this good work you do makes you feel great. Why let that feeling go? There are lots of people who work and also do volunteer work. I'm one of them.
You don't have to be the same person as your brother and want and need the same things. And you certainly don't have to feel intimidated by the huge shadow his success casts. Do yourself a favour, sweetheart, and realise that the sun has always shined on you. Now learn to bask in its warmth. You've always just been too busy looking at your brother's shadow to notice the light.
At the end of the day, you must ask yourself, "If I died, would I regret my life?" It's not money that matters when you die ...
Success versus significance. Are you the best in the world or the best FOR the world? It is up to you to decide which one means more to you.
Love and light,
The Irongoddess
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Your brother is wrong
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4 comments:
I agree that you should go with what your heart says but also consider that everyone needs a certain amount of financial stability. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a job that is their #1 passion...! It depends on what kind of financial hardship you are talking about... If you are ok with the amount of financial stability you currently have then there is nothing to change...
I don't know anyone who can say that financial instability is easy, but on the other hand, financial instability and also having to give up what you love to do though it has a negligible effect on financial position is WAY WORSE! I say, if you're going to be poor, be happy and poor. Why choose to be miserable and poor? Money comes and money goes ... happiness should not be fleeting, but a constant.
well I don't mean poor, I mean inability to pay your bills... in that case you need to re-evaluate your job/career move!
Since both siblings are at opposite extremes, don't know if one position is necessarily more preferable than another.
She has low self-esteem relative to her brother's success. The thing about living the life you chose is that you can't apologize for it no matter how difficult the struggle. If you let someone else determine how you'll feel about yourself tomorrow, then you're going to have a bumpy ride!
I have several siblings who are barely making it. I can't help it if they chose to live the life
they're living. And the best thing for me to do is to leave things well enough alone.
I don't say anything about their choices, because deep down I realize they're beating themselves up already. And the thing is they can start changing things tomorrow if they want to. We were all cut from the same mold.
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