"I've got nothing to do." WHAT?!?!

You thought I forgot about you, didn't you? Nope, not at all ... just somehow, amongst all the things on my overloaded plate, you ended up under everything and you know what they say, right? "Out of sight, out of mind ..."

Well, that's not exactly true ... I always saw a corner of you peeking through from underneath all my other things, wondering when I'd pay some attention to you.

So here I am, finally posting after an overextended unintentional hiatus ... not that there's less on my plate these days, oh no, nooo ... (the Universe has a strange way of piling things up real high for me), but I've now more than surpassed my own limit of negligence.

So, with a huge, humble, and very sincere "I'm sorry," I hope you will forgive me for my inattentiveness to you, my dear reader.

Interestingly enough, this apology leads me right into today's subject ...

I've never understood how people can say, "I've got nothing to do."

Heck, I've got so many things to do, I wish my body didn't need sleep and in fact, have even had to forego sleep to get *some* of the things off my plate ... Sleep is overrated, but I so much like to dream, sigh.

Life is so incredibly fascinating and we are privileged to have such an ample array of activities and interests to choose from to discover, explore and learn. I guess not everyone will be keen to seek things out themselves but there are a lot of social groups that exist to help the less motivated or timid people out ...

How about http://www.meetup.com/? One can join individual groups based on interests and each group runs its own activities. Each city has its own groups. Nice way to meet new people who already share something in common.

One I prefer more though is http://www.meetin.org/. One huge group divided into city subgroups from all over the world, but principally North America. Anyone can post an activity and all are invited to attend. A fun and exciting way to meet new people and make new friends as well as be exposed to new activities, experiences, foods, and life perspectives. Great for travelling as well ... not sure what to do in a new city and/or you find yourself travelling alone? Just check that city's board for event listings. I met a cool girl from Germany once through one of Meetin's events and we're still in touch!

Best of all, both websites offer free sign-up ... the only costs are the event costs that you attend!

If you're too shy to try an online social networking group, how about just signing up for or attending a new or familiar activity/group ... for sure you'll meet others and have fun exploring and learning together, with or without your friends:

- hiking
- dancing (swing, ballroom, latin ... no, contrary to popular belief, you do NOT have to sign up with a partner ... classes usually rotate partners)
- rock-climbing
- badminton
- beach volleyball
- Dragon boat racing
- arts and crafts
- choir
- and many others!

How about self-improvement things?

- learn to play a musical intrument (guitar, piano ... kazoo, yes that counts)
- learn a new skill (gardening, renovation, cooking ... when you get good at them, I'll invite you over to help me around my house and then you can make me supper ;-)
- learn to paint or draw or make cool pottery items that you can give away as presents
- learn woodworking and cabinetry ... I just love the smell of wood!
- read, read, read ... fiction, non-fiction ... sure, even delve into spirituality and psychology ... too many good books to list here but I've got two of Eckhart Tolle's books in my reading pile
- re-organize your closet
- re-organize your office
- yes, you CAN throw those things out, recycle them or give them away!

Or how about just simple general things?

- call a friend
- see a friend
- watch a film
- visit a bookstore
- in fact, visit any kind of store
- go for walk on the sidewalk, avoiding all cracks so you don't break your mother's back
- go to the museum
- go explore a part of the city you don't know
- go explore a part of the city you DO know
- write some poetry
- write a book (okay, perhaps this is more my thing than yours)
- hem that pile of pants sitting patiently in your dresser drawer for the past year (wait, that's definitely more my thing than yours too ... I think ;-)
- clean ypur house (or my house if you really want to)
- play some board games
- or if you're not into that, how about some "adult games", hehehe ...
- sing
- sing a song
- sing out loud
- sing out strong
- sing of good things, not bad
- sing of happy, not sad
- blog (wait, maybe that's more me again) ... or how about, write me at contact@irongoddess.ca and I'll blog about YOU!
- take a nap
- take a bubble bath
- sip some wine
- why not, go ahead, glug the whole bottle down!
- take care of your backlog of emails
- browse the internet
- if you're single (or even if you're not), go browse the internet dating sites and daydream a bit
- go fly a kite ... literally! Weeee!

I could go on and on and on ... life is full of a kajillion billion interesting things to do! Okay, perhaps there are some things I'd rather not do ... like my taxes, or clean the toilet, or wash the windows ... but other than that, the list is ENDLESS.

So let's do some thinking and reframing the next time you're ready to say, "I've got nothing to do."

Have fun ... life is what you make it ... now go out there and never be bored again!

He just ain't worth the heartache, babe!

Dear Irongoddess,

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. Like we didn't date that long or anything, just a few months, but I was so in love with him. I mean REALLY in love with him like I've never been with anyone else! Now I'm so sad and I cry everyday. I really miss him, and all the things we used to do together. I've been reading up about relationships and wish I could figure out a way to get him back ... Please tell me what to do!

Sincerely,
Katie from OH

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Dear Katie,

For sure you're gonna hurt from the breakup. It's not just about the heartache caused from love lost but also from FUTURE love lost ... it's from an investment into dreams or a potential future together.

You don't mention in your letter any details with regards to your break-up so I'll just conclude for sake of ease that the relationship wasn't working for either of you (otherwise, you'd still be together, right?)

I'm sorry to hear that you still feel sad and wish I could wipe away your tears, but you must now stop and ask yourself how do you REALLY feel instead of how do you THINK you feel?

If he broke up because he wasn't in love with him, is it worth pining away for someone who doesn't love you with all his heart? You're WAY more special than that, girlfriend. It's simple, you should never have to convince a man to love you.

And if you were the one to break it up since you didn't like how he was treating you, well kudos to you! Breaking up while still loving someone is very difficult to do, but you did the right thing ... you must love YOURSELF first!

We teach others how we need and want to be treated ... What part of him do you want back? Just the parts that made you feel good? That made you laugh or feel special? What about all the icky parts of him that made you feel unloved and sad and not very special to him? Being with him means being with ALL PARTS of him. Would you be ready to put up with that for the rest of your life?

I think you need to examine whether you are still in love with him, or perhaps you just miss the fun things about being with him. Do you miss all the times when you felt lousy as well? It's like being a drug addict ... is a short quick high worth all that horrible down period? Perhaps you don't even miss HIM, you just miss having a fun, loving relationship.

Ask yourself, were you really in love with the Present Him (which includes all his faults) or the Potential Him (the one who would change since he loved you so much)? He is who he is, sweetie, and you will never be able change him. Only he can do that, and only for his own reasons.

I say, move on, take the time to spoil yourself. You have so much love to give, and now it's time to LOVE YOURSELF!

Don't feel ashamed to be selfish with your love, especially while you're healing ... do things that make you happy, whatever they may be! Seeing friends, going to shows, working out, shopping, meeting new men, whatever makes you feel good. Soon enough the days will pass, your heart will heal, and you will realise more and more how unhappy you felt while dating your ex, and how much he wasn't right for you. He'll even slip out of your mind completely, but by that time, you won't even notice!

Just remind yourself that everything in life happens for a reason, and that you can't have room in your heart for Mr. Right if you're still hanging on to Mr. Wrong. Don't worry, he WILL come along ;-)

Cheers,
The Irongoddess

p.s. Here's a great little video ... be strong, and LOVE YOURSELF!

Interesting video ... hmmm

This short Swedish clip speaks for itself ... let me know what you think!

The Hero

Is this the next sexy fad?

I went onto Craigslist recently to see what was new with "Men Seeking Women" and found these ...

I don't get it! What is with the headless naked torso?

I don't know one women who has ever ooohed and aaahed from photos like these. Women actually find well-dressed torsos with handsome faces attached MUCH sexier!

Alright, it's clear which shots are self-portraits, but the others ... hmmm ... can you imagine what is going through the photographer's mind? But even worse than headless naked torso pics are those hard cock close-up shots ... yes, oh so enticing!

Men, wake up! No, most women do NOT want to look at headless naked pics of you to choose their ideal mate or even lover. They're just plain gross and tacky. And more likely, it'll be other men checking you out ... think about it guys ...

What we take for granted ...

I had a nasty fall in January and broke the greater tuberosity of my left humerus, can you see it?


Does this help?


The shoulder joint is the most complex one in the body, one that involves many movements, and needless to say, the recovery has been extremely difficult, and in fact, at times, excruciatingly painful. I am only just now off pain meds, eight weeks later.

So now that I'm finally out of my sling, I am deep in physiotherapy to increase my shoulder's range of motion (everything "locked up" to protect the bone) and have recently started strength exercises with one and three pound weights. Yes, you read that right! One and three pound weights. Still can't pull my car door shut nor my fridge door open with my left arm and don't dare push, pull or carry anything, even my purse. The bone needs another month to harden ...

The six weeks I was in my sling was a real eye-opener as I suddenly became one-armed.

It was difficult to get dressed and wash myself, and in general, take care of myself. I couldn't hold my toast properly to spread things on it. I couldn't chop up food. I still can't open a new water bottle since my left arm is not strong enough to tolerate the torque necessary to remove the cap. I couldn't sleep well or maneouvre around easily, the pain and discomfort was absolutely horrible.

While I was in my sling, I had to type with one hand, which I, a 60 wpm typist, found excruciatingly slow. I poured half the bottle of shampoo on my head the first time I washed my hair by myself ... this I rectified the next time by pouring shampoo on my leg and swooping it up quickly with my right hand, once freed of the bottle.

I gave up trying to lather my right arm, shoulder and back properly but discovered that I could rub body lotion on my right side by first putting some on my leg and then bending over, twisting my right arm and shoulder all over it. Discouraged that I could no longer put my hair in a ponytail, I learned to use my right arm and hand with the aid of a table to put my hair into a clip.

Now I'm two-handed again and I am thrilled that I have my *mobility* back. Full recovery is many weeks away ... lots of physio appointments and exercises still to go but I can type with both hands again. I can cook too. I have now removed the extra pillow that propped my shoulder up in bed, locking me into one position, and am slowly readapting to sleeping in other positions, within my pain limit.

I still can't scrape the ice off my car but I am happy that I can do up my coat, now that my slinged arm is no longer in the way. I'm relieved that I've got my balance back and can walk around outside without risk of losing my balance and falling on the snow and ice that was present during the past months.

But all these difficulties I encountered don't mean a thing in the grand perspective of life except to show me to embrace what I am able to do. Take a look at this video about Nick Vujicic, a man born without any limbs ... incredible and inspirational!



I am on the road to a full recovery and back to blogging, yay! If you can, try not to break your shoulder now, my dear readers ...

"Don't ask yourself and see what you don't have, see what you do have ..."
- Nick Vujicic

Life is too precious ...

48 Hours on Craigslist: An Interview with Mr. Maybe

Alright folks, it's a New Year and I've somehow skipped over the Holiday Season. How? Well, maybe it had something to do with this or maybe this ...

Frolicking with friends in the French Alps does hold a certain distraction :-D

Alright, alright ... now that we've determined the real issue of my non-blogging, I will accept total responsibility and catch you up on something I started last summer.

I am a lost sheep returning to the fold ... it is the New Year, right? ... Right? All is forgiven?

*********************************************************

Mr. Maybe agreed to meet me in a café/bar in a trendy part of town. He was actually already there when I arrived.

Promptness ... check!

I sat down on the bar stool beside him in front of the window and immediately fell off. I promptly moved the interview to a cosy little table where I couldn't embarrass myself further ... I am the Irongoddess after all and can't be seen sprawled across the floor of a public establishment!

Profile of Mr. Maybe (aka "Rodger"):

- slim, well-dressed man, early 30's, European background
- tidy appearance and hairstyle, clean-shaven

Presentation ... check!

- likes his job, works as an analyst but is far from being a computer geek
- soft-spoken, very polite
- never been married, no children
- hasn't been in a serious relationship for several years but is open to "seeing where things go", from a short fling to settling down ... doesn't believe in having a double standard if things start out on a more physical note (yes, he would see the girl again!)

Open-minded, comfortable with himself, non-judgmental ... check!

- recreational jogger and cyclist

Fit ... check!

- has been cooking for himself since he moved out 10 years ago ... "I can't live on peanut butter sandwiches!"
- cooking and cleaning have become habits over the years and they have in fact evolved into relaxing activities. Rodger takes comfort and pride in managing his home.

Cooking and cleaning ... CHECK!!!

Mr. Maybe's online dating history:

- Rodger's been dabbling with online dating for a year but has only been on Craigslist for the past 8-9 months
- a friend of his set up a profile for him on Plenty of Fish, but he prefers Craigslist over the other dating websites as it's easier (one-stop website) and he finds it entertaining ("like watching an episode of Seinfeld")
- uses a "form letter response" which he personalises according to the women's posts

- though he didn't remember what I'd written in my fake online post , he usually looks for the following qualities: easy-going, fun, nothing overtly sexual, someone who likes activities
- usually, there is something in particular that will trigger a response from him as he doesn't have a finite shopping list
- has so far only met a few women off the internet, but no one interesting enough to continue dating
- like me, he also asks the question, "Why would a guy want to take a picture of his own cock and why would a woman want to see it?" CHECK!!

Mr. Maybe's dating preferences:

- as Rodger comes from a large traditional household (8 kids!), he'd prefer a more traditional relationship with stereotypical male/female roles ... perhaps this is just "old school" conditioning according to him

- he admits though that he's not handy at all around the house and it's not essential that his partner cook
- he's remarked that in some of his friend's relationships, some of the women seem lost if they are not in the traditional role, but for himself, what counts most is that "at the end of the day, things have to get done."
- though he could date a sporty girl, he wouldn't want someone who was competitive
- Rodger likes girly-girls and actually finds their materialistic shopping habits kinda sexy, probably because he prefers a well-dressed, stylish, refined woman who takes pride in her appearance
- likes a confident woman who is not afraid in expressing who she is

Mr. Maybe's 5 words to describe Ms. Right:

Pretty, perky, intelligent, focused and fit

Mr. Maybe's 5 words to describe himself:

Easy-going, confident, funny, family and friend-oriented

Overall, I found Mr. Maybe to be quite pleasant and was amazed when he was astute enough to recognize the perfume I was wearing ("White Musk" from the Body Shop) ... AND he paid for my coffee! What a gentleman!

Closing comment on his first email to me:

"Although I like to cook for others, it may be best that we meet at a restaurant first to show you I am not a weirdo!!!"

A very sweet, sincere and charming fella, a little quirky but in a good way, and assuredly Mr. Right for some lucky girl out there ... write me if you're interested!