He just ain't worth the heartache, babe!

Dear Irongoddess,

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. Like we didn't date that long or anything, just a few months, but I was so in love with him. I mean REALLY in love with him like I've never been with anyone else! Now I'm so sad and I cry everyday. I really miss him, and all the things we used to do together. I've been reading up about relationships and wish I could figure out a way to get him back ... Please tell me what to do!

Sincerely,
Katie from OH

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Dear Katie,

For sure you're gonna hurt from the breakup. It's not just about the heartache caused from love lost but also from FUTURE love lost ... it's from an investment into dreams or a potential future together.

You don't mention in your letter any details with regards to your break-up so I'll just conclude for sake of ease that the relationship wasn't working for either of you (otherwise, you'd still be together, right?)

I'm sorry to hear that you still feel sad and wish I could wipe away your tears, but you must now stop and ask yourself how do you REALLY feel instead of how do you THINK you feel?

If he broke up because he wasn't in love with him, is it worth pining away for someone who doesn't love you with all his heart? You're WAY more special than that, girlfriend. It's simple, you should never have to convince a man to love you.

And if you were the one to break it up since you didn't like how he was treating you, well kudos to you! Breaking up while still loving someone is very difficult to do, but you did the right thing ... you must love YOURSELF first!

We teach others how we need and want to be treated ... What part of him do you want back? Just the parts that made you feel good? That made you laugh or feel special? What about all the icky parts of him that made you feel unloved and sad and not very special to him? Being with him means being with ALL PARTS of him. Would you be ready to put up with that for the rest of your life?

I think you need to examine whether you are still in love with him, or perhaps you just miss the fun things about being with him. Do you miss all the times when you felt lousy as well? It's like being a drug addict ... is a short quick high worth all that horrible down period? Perhaps you don't even miss HIM, you just miss having a fun, loving relationship.

Ask yourself, were you really in love with the Present Him (which includes all his faults) or the Potential Him (the one who would change since he loved you so much)? He is who he is, sweetie, and you will never be able change him. Only he can do that, and only for his own reasons.

I say, move on, take the time to spoil yourself. You have so much love to give, and now it's time to LOVE YOURSELF!

Don't feel ashamed to be selfish with your love, especially while you're healing ... do things that make you happy, whatever they may be! Seeing friends, going to shows, working out, shopping, meeting new men, whatever makes you feel good. Soon enough the days will pass, your heart will heal, and you will realise more and more how unhappy you felt while dating your ex, and how much he wasn't right for you. He'll even slip out of your mind completely, but by that time, you won't even notice!

Just remind yourself that everything in life happens for a reason, and that you can't have room in your heart for Mr. Right if you're still hanging on to Mr. Wrong. Don't worry, he WILL come along ;-)

Cheers,
The Irongoddess

p.s. Here's a great little video ... be strong, and LOVE YOURSELF!

48 hours on Craigslist: The Results, Part I

Here's the second ad posted on Craigslist in my recent post "48 hours on Craigslist":

I want to suck your cock - w4m - 24
Looking to be gang-banged. I'm feeling very horny and I want you now. Apply within.

For those who are not familiar with Craigslist, that "24" you see in the title is the poster's age (or the age one chooses to indicate for his/her ad).

I was actually surprised by the number of emails I received, especially since the ad was flagged and subsequently removed during a three-hour window Friday evening. When I discovered the deletion, I reposted in a different section "Casual Encounters" and allowed a few email responses to slip into my INBOX after the 48 hour window to make up for some of the time the ad was missing from Craigslist.

Here are my results:

A total of 92 emails were received:
- 85 emails came from unique email addresses, meaning 7 people wrote twice
- 93 people in all responded, 91 men and 2 women. All interested parties mentioned in the emails were counted, for example, in the email with the subject heading "three jamaican guys", I count 3 men ...

• "hi im 5'9 180lbs 9 iches and goodlooking and the other two guys are about the same and were all hung get back if you want more info between all of us you would be getting at least 28 inches in all so get back sweets"

- 5 emails from mutiples were received, including two of which came from couples (male/female) looking for threesomes

• "would you rather have a 3some with my husband..pls. I really need your help. "

4 men responded within the first 15 min. of the ad being posted
- 14 emails were received the first hour after the ad was posted
- the 1st email was received 5 min. after the ad was posted; the man didn't believe the ad was real and asked for proof. Because I did not respond nor spam him, I'm hoping he got to thinking he got excluded from the fun because of his cynicism. Hehehe ...
- the 2nd email was sent 8 min. after the ad was posted and included the following cock photo (pink censoring courtesy of moi, of course :-) I've never understood why men think pics of their cocks turn women on. In fact, I actually don't even know any heterosexual female who likes them. Go figure. He's got some nice abs though ... oooh!

Photos received:
- 8 cock pics, including the one above
- 3 chest pics
- 14 face pics, and some of the guys were cute! The others, um ... less so.

Other stats:
- 2 respondents sent their phone numbers
- 30 men gave their age, the average age being 26.4, and the oldest respondent being 37

I received all sorts of responses, many one or two liners, some with short paragraphs looking for an ongoing lover, and some describing themselves a little ... too much.

One respondent described an army barrack fantasy involving him and his 14 platoon mates over an entire weekend, which would include non-stop sexual action/service, a game called "Spin the Slut", and a pool table. Actually, what a sweet officer, I'm quite impressed ...

• "Like I said since I found you, you will rest in my bed, for one on one with me, and you can rest."

What do you think ... should I respond?

48 hours on Craigslist

I've decided to conduct a little social experiment on Craigslist ...

I've previously covered "men-seeking-women". Now, how about "women-seeking-men"?

I'm posting the following two ads today, Friday, at 6:00 pm and will take them down on Sunday at 6:00 pm. Let's see what kind of responses these illicit ... dum de dum ... ;-)

1)

Looking for Mr. Right - w4m - 33

Young professional ready to settle down and concentrate on the bigger picture. Would definitely love to start a family. I've devoted most of my 20's to studying and my career, putting my love life on hold. Now I'm ready to explore and discover what's out there!

I like candle-lit suppers, long walks in nature, and relaxed Sunday mornings with coffee and a good book. Though people might describe me as shy and reserved, I'm actually quite adventurous with the right person if I feel comfortable enough. I'm not super into fitness but do enjoy cycling and rollerblading from time to time and try to live a healthy lifestyle, though I do like nice wines.

Hoping you are out there somewhere, waiting for me, to start a caring, loving relationship based on honesty, respect and true intimacy ... xo

2)

I want to suck your cock - w4m - 24

Looking to be gang-banged. I'm feeling very horny and I want you now. Apply within.

The Perfect Romance

If I could capture the beauty, grace, connection and power of this dance and inject it into a relationship, then I would have the perfect romance.



This is pure emotion in motion and it takes my breath away ...

It comes down to compatibility

Dear IronGoddess,

Am I guilty of discrimination? I tend to think of myself as a open-minded child-of-the-planet but I think I may have committed an act of discrimination.

I met N on one of those online dating websites. He was so cute and sweet. We quickly moved from email to msging to the phone. We had tons in common, I thought he was my soulmate.

I drove to his place in the city (a girl can never be too careful these days) and he drove from there. We went out for Shabu Shabu and then took a drive. He had me with his old-school Porsche and his Nine Inch Nails cd. I felt such an intense connection with him.

We went back to his place so I could pick up my car and he invited me in for a drink. We curled up on the couch with our glasses of wine and talked into the night. Before I knew it, the clock was reading 4am. Although I wanted to stay, I felt it was better that I go.

He seemed to get agitated that I was leaving. He said that he felt that we were meant to be together but that he had one thing to confess. He took me by the hand, led me into his bedroom and sat me down on the bed. He opened his bedside table and pulled out three DVDs. They were porn, ponyboy porn. He said he was the one in the harness.

I never called him back. I just couldn't imagine bringing him to a family gathering. I mean, yes, he was in a mask but what if someone recognised him from his other, er, attributes. Did I discriminate against him?

Signed,
Concerned and confused

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Dear C&C,

Sometimes we just have to say, "Sorry, that ain't my cup of tea," and leave it at that. Doesn't mean that you've discriminated against him, you're just not into the same thing he is, and that's A-OK.

I used to have a boyfriend who'd tell me often in frustration, "You're too nice, you're too nice!" I never understood this until I fell upon the following online account of his relationship with his new girlfriend:

Her:

"I flogged him, choked him, spanked him, bound him up, caned him and tortured his balls. I discovered an intense sadistic side of myself ... It was truly music to my ears to hear him scream out in anguished pain. And his red teary eyes looking back at me as if to say .... I am yours."

Him:

"Well, it looks like the bar has been raised a few notches. The current caning lashes are up to 290. In addition to mass flogging, paddleing (24" wood double handed windups), hard hand slapping, torchering the mass welts with prodding. And finishing off the final ten blows with a 1/2" thick heavy plastic rod. Can you say Challenge? Yes the bar has been raised dramaticlly."

THAT'S IT! I finally realised I had never BEAT him! Perhaps we would have still been together had I explored my latent dominatrix side and whupped him silly ... er, correction ... whupped him almost lifeless (yes, that's much more sadistic than "silly"). But life wouldn't have it that way. I am the way I am, and he is the way he is. Anyway, I think the two are very happy together and who can criticize that?

It all comes down to compatibility, respect and acceptance. What are your limits and what are you willing to put up with? What are things you'd like to share about life? What are your needs? What can you give to your partner or contribute to the relationship? Some people like to build upon similar interests and goals. Others enjoy the differences they discover in someone who is their opposite.

Heck, I hate organ meats; you'll never catch me eating liver paté, sweetbread or haggis. Others hate vegetables and tofu but I could live on that stuff! But are dissimilar tastes enough to doom a relationship?

No. But he might have to cook for himself ...

Warm regards,
The Irongoddess