The Facebook Break-Up

On the popular social networking platform Facebook, we can indicate "relationship status" and have several choices:

Single
In a relationship
Engaged
Married
It's complicated
In an open relationship

Changes of relationship status are indicated by whole or broken hearts and listed on the "mini-feed". Do these status updates and red hearts mean anything? And what does the Facebook public think about these?

I was recently engaged to Nestor D. Dinosaur and received an e-mail via Facebook congratulating me on said event, though my friend also asked if this could be a joke (because of the name). No ... no joke ... but I'm surprised my friend's excitement didn't cause her to click on the link to see the handsome red and green face of my future husband.

Nestor and I have since parted ways amicably, but I see that he is not quite yet over me, as he is still listed as "Engaged". (Nestor: That's alright ... I will ALWAYS love you ...)

I have a friend who recently listed himself as married ... to his own brother. I wonder if anyone noticed that one? I've also seen this same friend engaged, married, and broken up all in the same day.

Another friend, totally enthralled with her new relationship, happily decided to announce their "love" through Facebook ... This new couple then listed themselves as "In a relationship" until one day, after a particular lover's spat, she discovered he'd changed his relationship status and in fact, no longer even had one.

Boyfriend: "Yes, we're still dating but I don't want certain people on Facebook to know."

Hmm, interesting ... Not comfortable with this new turn of events and his recent treatment of her, she called me up for some "girl talk".

Irongoddess: But have you talked to him about how you feel?

Girlfriend: No, he's been avoiding me and I'm sick of it. I've given him lots of time and space to be in his cave and I don't want to be here when he comes out. Look at my Facebook status.

"SINGLE"

Irongoddess: "Oh my gosh, does he know?"

Girlfriend: "No, I can't be bothered having THE TALK."

Bing! And there you have it, folks, the Facebook Break-Up!

Personally, I'd love to be in a relationship with Bamsen Bacchus, a super cute Swedish bear. Recently, I saw him listed as "In an open relationship". I wondered if Facebook would allow more than one linking to those in an open relationship and thought about asking him out, but dang, Bamsen's status recently changed to "It's complicated".

Sigh ... I guess Bamsen and I are not yet meant to be ... but I'll keep watching my Facebook and hope that one day I'll see a broken little red heart in my news with the words:

"Bamsen Bacchus is no longer in a relationship."

The Parking Goddess

I've always been quite lucky with parking. I don't know why. I just am ... and I've never questioned it. I hear friends complaining about not finding parking all the time but I've rarely ever felt frustrated about not being able to find a prime parking spot.

Only on the odd occasion have I had to circle around looking for that "non-existant" parking spot to which my friends often allude. Most of the time though, I find parking right in front of where I need to be, or the first place I try.

The Parking Goddess and I have a close relationship and I have always felt she was on my side. And I know she's not a figment of my imagination either as I Googled her and this is what she looks like:

Pretty isn't she? And she's my friend ...

Why do guys measure their cocks?

Women measure their bust so they can know what bra size to buy ... but what is it with men and their fascination with cock size?

Mind you, I can't say I've surveyed all my male friends if they have or haven't and by golly, you won't see me asking a complete stranger this question ... but the guys I have asked at one time or other in my past have all admitted to doing this.

Oh ... correction ... all but one, who actually made a very interesting remark recently when I brought up this subject.

"Perhaps men measure themselves because they feel insecure and need some sort of validation. I never have. I'm made the way I'm made. "

Hmm ... interesting viewpoint considering he is ... ahem ... endowed.

Which makes me wonder ... how long are my nipples?

When writing up a "to do" list is on my "to do" list ...

My life always seem to be in hyper drive. From time to time, I'll remark to friends how I'm going to slow down and relax a bit ... They all say with sarcasm, "Yup."

I guess they know me too well. I guess I'll always be a projects girl ... When I finish something, I feel like I've got to take on another challenge. Or when something doesn't challenge me anymore and has become just part of my "regular hectic routine", I take on an even bigger one at the same time so I can perfect multi-tasking. How many plates can I spin simultaneously?

OH!!

Do you shave?

I had an interesting conversation with a guy friend who recently started dating a very sweet girl. All is fine and dandy with this new love of his, except for one thing.

"She's all bushy and I don't know how to ask her to shave it."

Frankly, I hadn't a clue how to respond since I don't know her or their relationship too well. I only know how I like to keep mine ... which I won't tell you ... but ahem ... how does one approach the subject of pubic hair politely?

Should one pretend to cough up a hairball while giving oral sex? Or just fake the simple one annoying hair in the back of the throat that just won't unstick? On second thought, this is too often the case, so no faking would be required. What would be a clear enough indication that "something must be done"?

My friend's dilemma got me thinking ... I wonder what percentage of the female population shave/trim their pussy hair? I tried to take a glance-about at the women's showers at the local YMCA the other day ... It doesn't seem like it's the vast majority, but of course, this was only a very quick summary of a few girls ... ahem, I didn't want to come across as a perv ...

Men, what do you like? How much does this matter to you?

I haven't had sex since ...

At a recent get-together with friends, the subject of sexual activity, rather, inactivity came up:

Friend #1:
"It's so sad, I bought a mega stash of those premium super thin Japanese condoms early this year and I still haven't even used one of them! Great, I'm probably never gonna get to use them all and then they'll expire."

Friend #2:
"Umm ... I've actually had some that did ..."

It comes down to compatibility

Dear IronGoddess,

Am I guilty of discrimination? I tend to think of myself as a open-minded child-of-the-planet but I think I may have committed an act of discrimination.

I met N on one of those online dating websites. He was so cute and sweet. We quickly moved from email to msging to the phone. We had tons in common, I thought he was my soulmate.

I drove to his place in the city (a girl can never be too careful these days) and he drove from there. We went out for Shabu Shabu and then took a drive. He had me with his old-school Porsche and his Nine Inch Nails cd. I felt such an intense connection with him.

We went back to his place so I could pick up my car and he invited me in for a drink. We curled up on the couch with our glasses of wine and talked into the night. Before I knew it, the clock was reading 4am. Although I wanted to stay, I felt it was better that I go.

He seemed to get agitated that I was leaving. He said that he felt that we were meant to be together but that he had one thing to confess. He took me by the hand, led me into his bedroom and sat me down on the bed. He opened his bedside table and pulled out three DVDs. They were porn, ponyboy porn. He said he was the one in the harness.

I never called him back. I just couldn't imagine bringing him to a family gathering. I mean, yes, he was in a mask but what if someone recognised him from his other, er, attributes. Did I discriminate against him?

Signed,
Concerned and confused

**************************

Dear C&C,

Sometimes we just have to say, "Sorry, that ain't my cup of tea," and leave it at that. Doesn't mean that you've discriminated against him, you're just not into the same thing he is, and that's A-OK.

I used to have a boyfriend who'd tell me often in frustration, "You're too nice, you're too nice!" I never understood this until I fell upon the following online account of his relationship with his new girlfriend:

Her:

"I flogged him, choked him, spanked him, bound him up, caned him and tortured his balls. I discovered an intense sadistic side of myself ... It was truly music to my ears to hear him scream out in anguished pain. And his red teary eyes looking back at me as if to say .... I am yours."

Him:

"Well, it looks like the bar has been raised a few notches. The current caning lashes are up to 290. In addition to mass flogging, paddleing (24" wood double handed windups), hard hand slapping, torchering the mass welts with prodding. And finishing off the final ten blows with a 1/2" thick heavy plastic rod. Can you say Challenge? Yes the bar has been raised dramaticlly."

THAT'S IT! I finally realised I had never BEAT him! Perhaps we would have still been together had I explored my latent dominatrix side and whupped him silly ... er, correction ... whupped him almost lifeless (yes, that's much more sadistic than "silly"). But life wouldn't have it that way. I am the way I am, and he is the way he is. Anyway, I think the two are very happy together and who can criticize that?

It all comes down to compatibility, respect and acceptance. What are your limits and what are you willing to put up with? What are things you'd like to share about life? What are your needs? What can you give to your partner or contribute to the relationship? Some people like to build upon similar interests and goals. Others enjoy the differences they discover in someone who is their opposite.

Heck, I hate organ meats; you'll never catch me eating liver paté, sweetbread or haggis. Others hate vegetables and tofu but I could live on that stuff! But are dissimilar tastes enough to doom a relationship?

No. But he might have to cook for himself ...

Warm regards,
The Irongoddess

Your brother is wrong

Dear Irongoddess,

I've recently had some financial hardship and went to ask my brother, who's a partner in a successful and well-recognized law firm, for some advice. Yeah, I know that I don't have the best paying job in the world, and it's all wrong for my skill set and not even something that I like to do, but why does he always have to end up making me feel like crap and totally worthless?

He had only one word of advice. It was to drop my volunteer work 'cause it was wasting my time and my energy and that I should be looking for paying work instead. I've been helping out with autistic people of all ages since I was a teenager at a facility where our mum used to work. I do all sorts of activities with them, even accompany them on their field trips, and I've helped so many of them who are highly functional get ready to live on their own once they became old enough.

I don't want to give this up since it's dear to my heart but my bother has a point, and he has helped me out financially a few times. Why can't I just be successful like him?

- Isabelle from Winnipeg


Dear Isabelle,

Why should you care so much what your brother thinks? Does he help you out financially because he loves you or does he expect you to obey him? Is there a particular reason why you should be more like him or strive towards the same things?

I personally think your brother is way off base with his "advice". With your volunteer work, you are doing what you love to do. It is extremely rewarding since you are helping to make a difference in people's lives. And this is because YOU CARE. I am sure all this good work you do makes you feel great. Why let that feeling go? There are lots of people who work and also do volunteer work. I'm one of them.

You don't have to be the same person as your brother and want and need the same things. And you certainly don't have to feel intimidated by the huge shadow his success casts. Do yourself a favour, sweetheart, and realise that the sun has always shined on you. Now learn to bask in its warmth. You've always just been too busy looking at your brother's shadow to notice the light.

At the end of the day, you must ask yourself, "If I died, would I regret my life?" It's not money that matters when you die ...

Success versus significance. Are you the best in the world or the best FOR the world? It is up to you to decide which one means more to you.

Love and light,
The Irongoddess

Annoying event #1

I wore my purple lace thong the other day. She's never given me grief before but suddenly, she changed her mind. Well, a thong is renown of course for riding up the back end, she's made to do that. But my thong that particular day decided to ride up the front end as well ...

Yes, annoying indeed ...

I am the original one.

I used to think that my name was uncommon. Well, Facebook proved me wrong today. There are 30, yes, that's right ... thirty other Bonnie Mak's in the world, well at least in the Facebook world. I wonder how many other girls are out there touting my name ...

And of course, being all younger than I (well at least on Facebook), tells me that little ol' moi is The Trendsetter. Heh!

[I huff lightly on my nails and shine them on my sweater, grinning.]

Now let me just Google myself ...