Saturday, February 14, 2009

Who says romance is dead?

Happy Valentine's Day!!

This is the absolute best internet dating email exchange I've ever had!

Subject: Where art thou?
Hi! Long time no speak :( (BTW, I feel absolutely no shame about using smiley symbols.) What have you been up to? Cheers

Subject: Re:Where art thou?

Hey, you stopped writing so I thought you'd either met someone or weren't that interested, or most likely a combination of both ... Sorry to hear it didn't work out ... ;-)

Subject: Re:Re:Where art thou?

Actually, I stopped writing because I didn't "see" you around anymore. I fugured the same about you... Well, the whole Shakespeare reference has taken on an usual turn, wouldn't you say? :-)))

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Where art thou?

Actually, I think thou art mistaken. It is I that hath written to thou most recent, and being not sent nary a response, scurried with sunken heart to thy darkest corners of the world to weep my silken tears.

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Where art thou?

Thine words are like a most jagged sword cutting through my tender heart! I pray for you to let me beg for your forgiveness at your feet...

Subject: What does thou proposeth?

My heart not yet healed herself doth wonder what this young knight have in mind ...

Subject: Re:What does thou proposeth?

I shall propose to use the healing properties of food and wine...

Subject: Re:Re:What does thou proposeth?

I shall collect the pieces of my heart from the hard earthen floor of my dark damp room called sorrow ... If I have success in piecing together the fragments of my heart, I shall send word by swift horse and messenger to perhaps partake in your doth proposed evening of healing.

Subject: Re:Re:Re:What does thou proposeth?

I shall await with baited breath. And in my highest hopes I shall refuse to consume food or drink until such time as your Graciousness may smile upon me - your lowest servant - with favour...

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:What does thou proposeth?

Though my fragile heart is held together by mere threads, I will agree to this proposed evening of food and wine ... It intrigues me to meet this man who doth call himself my servant. My governess has forbidden me from temptation of debauchery and has thus placed upon my body a chastity belt. But I will steal away under cover of night in three moon's time on Thursday to meet you outside the castle walls ...

Too bad my knight-in-shining armour still lives with his mother.



Friday, January 30, 2009

Half-naked men just don't entice me enough ...

I've been checking out online dating recently and I've made an interesting observation.

Why do so many men expect me to travel to them? What ever happened to men doing the chasing?

I'm not keen on long-distance, been there, done that ... These relationships all too often end up in frustration and broken hearts unless some master plan is concocted that successfully places the two lovebirds in the same general vicinity.

I'm not cynical, I'm just realistic. And sorry, phone sex just doesn't cut it for me.

An English chap started writing to me not too long ago and when I told him that I wasn't interested in anything long-distance, he replied:

"canada is not far... you just go to a concrete building, get in a silver tube, sit there for six and a half hrs and lo and behold you're in mooseland... you can always come this way... "

Yup, there you have it ... nary a phone call and he's suggesting I blow a huge wad on money to visit his torso (the only pic he would send me).

What do you think, folks ... is it worth the time, effort and money to visit this half-naked man?

Hmmm ... decisions, decisions ...

Nah.

So onto the next profile. This fine fella works out at the gym ...

And obviously wants all the girls to know this ...
Note to men:

If you are planning on doing the internet dating route, please DO NOT post half-naked photos of yourself. Though you may prefer to see us women posing half-naked in lingerie in our profile pics, we actually prefer a well-dressed man oozing with confidence in his. Save that hot bod of yours for strutting your feathers at the gym as you compete for the position of Highest Testosterone Level.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Gong Hei Fat Choi!

Today is the New Year in the Chinese calendar and it's the Year of the Ox.

From another website:

"The Ox of Chinese Astrology is no bull in a china shop. Steadfast and solid, this powerful Sign is a born leader, being quite dependable and possessing an innate ability to achieve great things. Oxen tend to be plodding and methodical; they approach projects in the step-by-step manner that serves them best, and they never lose sight of their goal. They are tireless workers who are detail-oriented and believe in doing things right the first time.

"The world may perceive Oxen as being far too serious or incapable of loosening up. This sturdy sort is less than social by nature and tends to become introverted in a crowd. To make things worse, they can't be bothered with what other people think and prefer to do what makes them feel best. Behind that calm facade, though, lives an Ox who can feel hurt, lonely and unable to connect with others. Friends and family are a great source of comfort to this beast, even if they don't always understand what makes the Ox tick. As a lover, friend, family member or housemate, the Ox makes a wonderfully strong, tender and affectionate companion who is protective and always reliable.

"Out in the world, though, Oxen tend to be stubborn, dogmatic, my-way-or-the-highway kind of people who have no concept of when to back down. Oxen don't care to be pushed, especially since they think they're the good guys of the Chinese Zodiac. There is some truth to that theory, since the Ox is smart, trustworthy, caring and honorable. If you need honest, steady and unbiased advice, call on the Ox.

"A good lesson for mighty Oxen is to strive to overcome a judgmental nature that keeps them from getting close to others. If they can learn to value their own good qualities, they'll have more room in their hearts to invite others in."


From Wikipedia:


Roughly-equivalent Western sign:
Capricorn

Positive Traits: Responsible, dependable, honest, caring, honourable, intelligent, artistic, industrious, practical

Negative Traits: Petty, inflexible, possessive, dogmatic, gullible, stubborn, critical, intolerant, materialistic


Superstitions during the New Year period
*The following is a list of beliefs that vary according to dialect groups / individuals.

Good luck

- Opening windows and/or doors is considered to bring in the good luck of the new year.
- Switching on the lights for the night is considered good luck to 'scare away' ghosts and spirits of misfortune that may compromise the luck and fortune of the new year.
- Sweets are eaten to ensure the consumer a "sweet" year.
- It is important to have the house completely clean from top to bottom before New Year's Day for good luck in the coming year. (however, as explained below, cleaning the house on or after New Year's Day is frowned upon)
- Some believe that what happens on the first day of the new year reflects the rest of the year to come. Chinese people will often gamble at the beginning of the year, hoping to get luck and prosperity.
- Wearing a new pair of slippers that is bought before the new year, because it means to step on the people who gossip about you.
- The night before the new year, bathe yourself in pomelo leaves and some say that you will be healthy for the rest of the new year.
- Changing different things in the house such as blankets, clothes, mattress covers etc. is also a well respected tradition in terms of cleaning the house in preparation for the new year.

Bad luck

- Buying a pair of shoes is considered bad luck amongst some Chinese. The character for "shoe" (鞋) is a homophone for the character 諧/谐, which means "rough" in Cantonese; in Mandarin it is also a homophone for the character for "evil" (邪).
- Getting a hair-cut in the first lunar month puts a curse on maternal uncles. Therefore, people get a hair-cut before the New Year's Eve.
- Washing your hair is also considered to be washing away one's own luck (although modern hygienic concerns take precedence over this tradition)
- Sweeping the floor is usually forbidden on the first day, as it will sweep away the good fortune and luck for the new year.
- Saying words like "finished" and "gone" is inauspicious on the New Year, so sometimes people would avoid these words by saying "I have completed eating my meal" rather than say "I have finished my meal."
- Talking about death is inappropriate for the first few days of Chinese New Year, as it is considered inauspicious.
- Buying (or reading) books is bad luck because the character for "book" (書/书) is a homonym to the character for "lose" (輸/输).
- Avoid clothes in black and white, as black is a symbol of bad luck, and white is a traditional Chinese funeral colour.
- Foul language is inappropriate during the Chinese New Year.
- Offering anything in fours, as the number four (四), pronounced sì, can sound like "death" (死), pronounced sĭ, in Chinese. Pronunciations given here are for Mandarin, but the two words are also near-homophones in Cantonese.
- One should never buy a clock for someone or for oneself because a clock in Chinese tradition means one's life is limited or "the end," which is also forbidden.
- Avoid medicine and medicine related activities (at least on the first day) as it will give a bad fortune on one's health and lessen the luck one can obtain from New Years.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

We the people!

Everyone's thrilled that Bush is out and Obama is in!

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We're the ones we've been waiting for. We're the change that we seek."
- Barack Obama
There will be lots of celebrating going on tonight and not just in the United States! We up here in Canada just love American politics. It's way more exciting than ours and what with a new leader that will actually do something for his people and for his country ... WELL!! There is hope for the world ...

Heck, can anyone even name a Canadian politician that actually made a difference recently?

I'm not saying I don't love Canada, I truly do! I may not have shown up for the last election since there weren't any worthwhile candidates, but I do speak both languages, English and French, and I have built many an igloo in my backyard as a kid.

Yes, I am extremely patriotic ... I have a beaver!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Technological advancements with the booty call

Used to be: "Hey, wanna come over and watch a video or something?"

Now it's: "Hey, wanna come over and play some Wii or something?"


Wii = cool interactive video game

We = one male and one female

Wee = interactive game played by the We after the Wii

Friday, December 26, 2008

He stole my birthday!

Having a birthday around Christmas sucks!

Mine falls the day after, on Boxing Day, December 26. Over the years, I've quite gotten used to this particular day of non-celebration in my family ... until as an adult on my own I gained the power to make sure I ALWAYS had a celebration! No more would I allow the bad timing of this particular day to ruin my birthday! In fact, I started to feel that the sheer fact that I am a Boxing Day Baby makes me even more special and thus my birthday more special ...

Until I met CG ... He has the SAME birthday as I do!

He stole my CRAPPY birthday!!

No longer was I unique and special as THE BOXING DAY BABY ... Geez, I will now have to share my birthday each and every year with my good friend, CG. It's like being given the broken cookies at the bottom of the cookie bag, then made to give half of the crumbs away ...

Dang! Alright, share away ...


Sunday, December 7, 2008

The reality of Google

Ever wonder whatever happened to that best friend you had in high school? Well, I recently found her via Google. Yay! Still looking for other good friends with whom I've lost touch, but will keep typing their names from time to time into that wonderful little Google search bar.

For the curious or the procrastinator, Google is a Godsend ... what ever happened to so-and-so? We can waste hours playing this game ... instant updates on moments of their lives.

When it comes to dating, it's always interesting to know more about your "date" than he/she may let on. But one thing for sure, if you're using this search tool, DO NOT let your date know ... feign ignorance, as if you've never read these things about him/her. I remember a certain date possibility talking to me over the phone before we had our first coffee together and he knew TOO MUCH about me ... Yuck! One of those horrible stalker moments that most people never want to experience.

Then of course, there are those who lie about who they are, and of course, being the internet saavy geek that I am, of course, I find out. Gotcha! Athletes who tell me they've ran certain races ... all fine and dandy until I find out yes, he's raced, but no, it was two age categories higher! How about the doctor who must have graduated from his specialty when he was only 17, according to his posted online profile? I always thought Doogie Howser, MD, was a fictional television character. Boy, that man's got smarts!

But then there are those that you can't find anywhere on Google ... so, what does that mean? Is this guy too vanilla for me, too much of a plain Joe-type?

What do you think, folks ... Is internet notoriety a good or bad thing?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Everything in life is transitory

Sometimes it's alright to let yourself feel sad ... spend time with friends ... distract yourself with funny films ... and then still feel sad when you go home.

Everything in life is transitory and no matter how hard the day has been, take a deep breath and know that tomorrow will be just a bit better. Then before you know it, you'll be filled with joy again and the sharp barbs of pain that hurt so deeply will have dulled themselves to faint pin pricks.

A kind gentle soul wrote this to me to help lift my heart with regards to my good friend, Michael Rudder:

"And the tears that flow from your eyes, dear Bonnie, give birth to Arya Tara in your heart, please -- she emanated from a tear
That the Lord of Compassion,
Noble Avalokiteshvara, wept when He saw suffering beings in this world -- now you are
That tear drop too -- she protects beings from fear, Noble Arya Tara, and tramples down with one foot all evil in this world."


And with those words, I felt her embrace reverberate through my soul as I cried and then for a little while afterwards, felt reprieve from my grief-stricken state and refilled with strength and hope. Thank you, sweet Gaby for your love ...

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Some things just don't make any sense

“In this time of great world turmoil, our greatest power is our own inner stability.”

– Michael Rudder

My dear friend, Michael Rudder, was shot three times recently in the terrorist attacks in Mumbai, India. He was there on a spiritual journey for a meditation retreat. This man wouldn't hurt a fly! What does this violence serve? I just don't get it ...

Please pray for his speedy recovery and return to Montreal.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Driving Rant #1: Parking Courtesy

As I hopped into my car the other day, another driver stopped suddenly beside me upon his realisation that he'd found what is considered a "pot of gold" ... a parking spot in a busy area of town. Then slowly, he moved his car forward to a "better position", well, at least according to him.

He figured, "What a great spot to wait for this amazing parking spot, diagonally, directly in front of her. There's no way someone else is gonna take this spot!"

And as the cars that had to pass him on this narrow road barely squeezed by, my engine purred patiently until I decided to cut the motor.

Then the driver, who turned out to be a woman, screamed, "Are you leaving?!"

I screamed back, "No, you're blocking me!"

Then stupidly, the driver reacted by creeping her car forward, just a tad, but only enough to block me a little less. I sat there in my silent car and waited. She creeped forward some more. I wondered how dense this driver could be. I started my car again, but only when she had finally given me enough space to move out without manouvering some ridiculous angle, and then once beside her, I motioned for her to put her window down.

"You know, if you want to take someone's parking spot, you are waiting in the worst spot possible. You should wait behind."

"That's right, girlfriend," I further added in my head. "If you want my parking spot, you have to make it easy for me to get out."

Then the car stuck behind us beeped.


"If you lose your way, I will help you find it."