Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is hilarious!! Well at least *I* think so ... Hope you had a wonderful day celebrating with friends and family :-)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Why not do tomorrow what I can do today?

As some of you may have noticed, I haven't been keeping up with my blogging ... so for today's posting I thought I'd write about PROCRASTINATION:



–verb (used without object)
to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

–verb (used with object)
to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.

From www.

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. ~William James

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~Don Marquis

Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday. ~Author Unknown

Every duty which is bidden to wait returns with seven fresh duties at its back. ~Charles Kingsley

The sooner I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up. ~Author Unknown

If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done. ~Author Unknown

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment. ~Robert Benchley

There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back. ~Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister

It is an undoubted truth, that the less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in. ~Earl of Chesterfield

The two rules of procrastination: 1) Do it today. 2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow. ~Author Unknown

One of the greatest labor-saving inventions of today is tomorrow. ~Vincent T. Foss

You may delay, but time will not. ~Benjamin Franklin

Someday is not a day of the week. ~Author Unknown

To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing. ~Eva Young

Don't fool yourself that important things can be put off till tomorrow; they can be put off forever, or not at all. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. ~C. Northcote Parkinson, 1958

Procrastination is opportunity's assassin. ~Victor Kiam

If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it. ~Olin Miller

What may be done at any time will be done at no time. ~Scottish Proverb

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. ~Joe Ryan

Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow. ~Gerald Vaughan

The best way to get something done is to begin. ~Author Unknown

You know you are getting old when it takes too much effort to procrastinate. ~Author Unknown

I do my work at the same time each day - the last minute. ~Author Unknown

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. ~Spanish Proverb

The time to begin most things is ten years ago. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Putting off an easy thing makes it hard. Putting off a hard thing makes it impossible. ~George Claude Lorimer

Tomorrow is the day when idlers work, and fools reform. ~Edward Young

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. ~Mark Twain

Tomorrow is the only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man. ~Jimmy Lyons

A year from now you may wish you had started today. ~Karen Lamb

Procrastination is like masturbation. At first it feels good, but in the end you're only screwing yourself. ~Author unknown, possibly from Monty Python?

One of these days is none of these days. ~Attributed to both Henri Tubach and H.G. Bohn

Procrastination is the thief of time. ~Edward Young

I have lots more to say about the subject of procrastination, but I think I'll post about that tomorrow ...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

To thong or not to thong ...

Dear Readers,

I actually owe you an interview I conducted as Part III to "48 Hours on Craigslist" but needless to say, I've been a little um ... delinquent with posting, not that I don't have a ton of topics to write about ...

I recently did some underwear shopping.

Some women like to wear thongs, myself included. Actually, let me clarify that, I like to wear both thongs and bikinis (no Grandma briefs though!) The advantage of wearing a thong is "no panty lines" but a horrible trend that I've noticed in women's panties is the amount of spandex in the fabrics.

I tell you, there ain't nothing worse than an "elastic band" creeping up into your ass. What ever happened to pure cotton thongs?

Monday, August 17, 2009

Consumer Gripe #1: If only I had known ...

I bought some facial tissues the other day. Great, they were on sale, "Scotties" brand too ... S-O-F-T ... nice ...

Yeah, until I opened the box and used one. I didn't know Scotties made sandpaper with such fine grade. "EnviroCare" they call it.

Just have to get through all six boxes now ... Well, at least there are only 152 tissues per box, not the usual 200.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

48 hours on Craigslist: The Results, Part II

First of all, my apologies for the tardiness of the results to my nifty social experiment ... been taking advantage of summer, that is, inbetween all the rain.

Alright ... in June, I posted "48 hours on Craigslist" where I placed two ads on Craigslist, one asking for a "forever-and-ever" type of relationship, the other asking for raunchy NSA sex (that's "no-strings-attached", folks). In my previous post, I delivered my findings on the second ad ... now it's time to examine the results to the first one:

Looking for Mr. Right - w4m - 33

Young professional ready to settle down and concentrate on the bigger picture. Would definitely love to start a family. I've devoted most of my 20's to studying and my career, putting my love life on hold. Now I'm ready to explore and discover what's out there!

I like candle-lit suppers, long walks in nature, and relaxed Sunday mornings with coffee and a good book. Though people might describe me as shy and reserved, I'm actually quite adventurous with the right person if I feel comfortable enough. I'm not super into fitness but do enjoy cycling and rollerblading from time to time and try to live a healthy lifestyle, though I do like nice wines.

Hoping you are out there somewhere, waiting for me, to start a caring, loving relationship based on honesty, respect and true intimacy ... xo

While composing this ad, I tried to write from the point of view of an intelligent, sweet, not-too-experienced girl ... someone a little shy and unpresuming but had direction and wouldn't intimidate most men with her interests or activities. I tried to list common things that most people would like, making her blend easily into or compliment most lifestyles.

Basically, I tried to make her as "vanilla" as possible without making her appear too boring.

The only element that I added to throw a guy off was her strong desire to find that "knight in shining armour", settle down and have kids, something which gives most men who just want to have a "good time" the heebie-jeebies.

Surprisingly, I received 21 letters, two within the first hour of posting on Craigslist! Are there really this many men out there who are looking for a meaningful relationship?

Could the ratio of men who want Commitment vs. Casual Sex really be as high as 1:5?
*Based on the responses received by both Craigslist postings

Here are the stats:

  • Of the 61.9% that stated their age, the average was 33.9, the youngest being 25, and the oldest being 52 (I'm listed in my ad as 33.)
  • 47.6% of the letters contained spelling or grammatical errors
  • 14.3% of the respondents sent pics ... yes, of their faces, no body shots (a total of three men)
Mind you, taking a closer look at the emails received, I quickly realised that the majority of the men who responded were not actually interested in a relationship. They were looking for an audience or an admirer ... as I surmised from the almost total lack of interest in what I'd written in my Craigslist ad.

Many of the emails were evidently form letters, monologues about these men, who they were and what they wanted. Only a few made even a single comment about what they found interesting about my CL post which was that they too had left relationships on the backburner for too long.

Shortest email to try to woo me ... I almost fainted when I realised I'd found my soulmate at last! :

whats your stats
professional 30m asian

Then of course, my heart skipped a beat when I read this gentlemen's email:

"I am the one you are looking"

Hello! I am a Professional black man looking for a female who loves to kiss , make love , love to get oral sex ,do fun things together and be in business together, maybe have a family and someone who I can trust ,preferably, for fun and cool conversation ...

Maybe he is "The One?" Like, what woman doesn't like to receive oral sex? JACKPOT!

Well, if I decide that he is not The One, then surely one of the other eight women he group emailed would think so. And if they don't think so, then maybe some other woman on Craigslist would think so. This man gets credit for his efficiency ... he sent out his CL ad verbatim as his love letter. Like, why fiddle with perfection?

Of course though, if I wanted to satisfy both my "carnal sexual hedonistic" AND "sweet innocent commitment-seeking" sides, I could always go for this guy, who wrote back to both of my CL ads:

Hi there!
I am D***. I am 25 and live in montreal. So you are horny. Can you keep it longer enough. Like all night. Are you sexualy strong enough. If you are i am up for it. write me back. if you are interested. Take care have fun. BYE

HI there!
I am D*** from Montreal. I am 25 years old. My height is 5,6 INC. My weight is 145POUNDS. I work in au auto garage 5 days a week and have weekend off. My hobbies are going on a long walk, music, movies, swimming, walking, and playing soccer. I go to GYM time to time. I love to laugh and make other people laugh. I am very talkative person. Thats all about me. If there is anything you would like to know about me just ask me. I would be more happy to answer your question. Thanks for reading my email. You have a wonderful day. Take care BYE

Well, maybe not ... that second letter seems a little monologuish and doesn't even show me that he's even read my ad ... (don't make the same mistake with internet dating, fellas!)

But I did receive one particularly interesting letter and was actually quite impressed with it ... I'm not at liberty to disclose the entire letter, but let's just say that he ended one fun paragraph with:

So it seems within the last 24h (or next 2) pretty did all the things you enjoyed based on your description!!!

Wow ... I had to meet him!

I wrote to him and explained that I was doing a social experiment ... would he consent to an interview? Stayed tuned for the next post as the Irongoddess interviews Mr. Maybe.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

48 hours on Craigslist: The Results, Part I

Here's the second ad posted on Craigslist in my recent post "48 hours on Craigslist":

I want to suck your cock - w4m - 24
Looking to be gang-banged. I'm feeling very horny and I want you now. Apply within.

For those who are not familiar with Craigslist, that "24" you see in the title is the poster's age (or the age one chooses to indicate for his/her ad).

I was actually surprised by the number of emails I received, especially since the ad was flagged and subsequently removed during a three-hour window Friday evening. When I discovered the deletion, I reposted in a different section "Casual Encounters" and allowed a few email responses to slip into my INBOX after the 48 hour window to make up for some of the time the ad was missing from Craigslist.

Here are my results:

A total of 92 emails were received:
- 85 emails came from unique email addresses, meaning 7 people wrote twice
- 93 people in all responded, 91 men and 2 women. All interested parties mentioned in the emails were counted, for example, in the email with the subject heading "three jamaican guys", I count 3 men ...

  • "hi im 5'9 180lbs 9 iches and goodlooking and the other two guys are about the same and were all hung get back if you want more info between all of us you would be getting at least 28 inches in all so get back sweets"
- 5 emails from mutiples were received, including two of which came from couples (male/female) looking for threesomes

  • "would you rather have a 3some with my husband..pls. I really need your help. "
4 men responded within the first 15 min. of the ad being posted
- 14 emails were received the first hour after the ad was posted
- the 1st email was received 5 min. after the ad was posted; the man didn't believe the ad was real and asked for proof. Because I did not respond nor spam him, I'm hoping he got to thinking he got excluded from the fun because of his cynicism. Hehehe ...
- the 2nd email was sent 8 min. after the ad was posted and included the following cock photo (pink censoring courtesy of moi, of course :-) I've never understood why men think pics of their cocks turn women on. In fact, I actually don't even know any heterosexual female who likes them. Go figure. He's got some nice abs though ... oooh!

Photos received:
- 8 cock pics, including the one above
- 3 chest pics
- 14 face pics, and some of the guys were cute! The others, um ... less so.

Other stats:
- 2 respondents sent their phone numbers
- 30 men gave their age, the average age being 26.4, and the oldest respondent being 37

I received all sorts of responses, many one or two liners, some with short paragraphs looking for an ongoing lover, and some describing themselves a little ... too much.

One respondent described an army barrack fantasy involving him and his 14 platoon mates over an entire weekend, which would include non-stop sexual action/service, a game called "Spin the Slut", and a pool table. Actually, what a sweet officer, I'm quite impressed ...

  • "Like I said since I found you, you will rest in my bed, for one on one with me, and you can rest."
What do you think ... should I respond?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

May you rest in peace, Mr. Michael Jackson

Michael Joseph Jackson (August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009)

I was immensely saddened by the passing of Michael Jackson. A brilliant musician and dancer, he contributed in so many ways to the world and tried to make it a better place. Often ridiculed and criticised during the last few years for his elusiveness and eccentricity, I don't think the world was fair to him.

What's wrong with being different?

Absolutely nothing.

Michael Jackson was far from perfect, just like the rest of us, but he was a good man, generous, compassionate, and a good father, very loving and protective, doing his best to shield his children from the vicious scrutiny of the public eye, one that examined him on a daily basis.

And though he had millions of fans, it is sad to know that he was often depicted negatively in the media spotlight and did not get enough recognition or love for who he needed to be ...

MJ, may you rest in peace. My heart and soul goes out to you and your children ... Thank you for being exactly the person you were, thank you for your love, and thank you for so unselfishly sharing your genius with us.

Love and light,

The Irongoddess

"Man In The Mirror"

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
(Starting With Me!)

Friday, June 19, 2009

48 hours on Craigslist

I've decided to conduct a little social experiment on Craigslist ...

I've previously covered "men-seeking-women". Now, how about "women-seeking-men"?

I'm posting the following two ads today, Friday, at 6:00 pm and will take them down on Sunday at 6:00 pm. Let's see what kind of responses these illicit ... dum de dum ... ;-)


Looking for Mr. Right - w4m - 33

Young professional ready to settle down and concentrate on the bigger picture. Would definitely love to start a family. I've devoted most of my 20's to studying and my career, putting my love life on hold. Now I'm ready to explore and discover what's out there!

I like candle-lit suppers, long walks in nature, and relaxed Sunday mornings with coffee and a good book. Though people might describe me as shy and reserved, I'm actually quite adventurous with the right person if I feel comfortable enough. I'm not super into fitness but do enjoy cycling and rollerblading from time to time and try to live a healthy lifestyle, though I do like nice wines.

Hoping you are out there somewhere, waiting for me, to start a caring, loving relationship based on honesty, respect and true intimacy ... xo


I want to suck your cock - w4m - 24

Looking to be gang-banged. I'm feeling very horny and I want you now. Apply within.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Open Up Your Heart and Let the Sunshine In ...

Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm sure knew a thing or two ...

Mommy told me something
a little kid should know.
It's all about the devil
and I've learned to hate him so.
She said he causes trouble
when you let him in the room.
He will never ever leave you
if your heart is filled with gloom.

So let the sun shine in
face it with a grin.
Smilers never lose
and frowners never win.
So le the sun shine in
face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in.

When you are unhappy,
the devil wears a grin
But oh, he starts to running
when the light comes pouring in
I know he'll be unhappy
'Cause I'll never wear a frown
Maybe if we keep on smiling
He'll get tired of hanging 'round.

If I forget to say my prayers
the devil wears a grin.
But he feels so awful awful
when he sees me on my knees
So if you're full of trouble
and you never seem to win,
Just open up your heart and let the sun shine in.

So let the sun shine in
face it with a grin.
Smilers never lose
and frowners never win.
So le the sun shine in
face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in.

Remember, life is what you make it :-)

Monday, June 1, 2009

Yes, I will have your baby!

Recent letter received on Lavalife:

I am very attractive to Asian women. I have a good head on my shoulders and would like to have children with an Asian woman. I have a picture if you are serious. If this interests you, get back.

His online dating profile:

Hi ladies:

I must confess, that I do love the companionship of a confident woman. You must be from the Ottawa area and are in need of some passion added to your life once again. I am a very attractive male looking for one sexually charged female for an adventure. I am dating, but want to try something different FWB. I am open to women of a different race or of different ethnic background (never been with either). If you have had children that does not scare me off, I love kids and want some of my own. I do work Shift work in the evenings and am most available during the morning or day.

I am looking for someone safe. Must be clean, very hygienic and loves to cuttle. If you are over 45 years old, please move on.What sets me apart from all the other horny guys on here? Well, I respect and actually listen too what a woman wants and desires are.I am easy to talk too and will not play head games with you.

Send me an email and I guarantee a response. We can chat as long as you wish until you feel comfortable to move on to the next level. I also have a profile in Intimate section if you want more information on me.

Hope to hear back from you.

My good male friend's take on the above letter and profile:

I am very attractive to all women. I have a good head on my dick and can practice making many children with all women. I have picture of my good head if you are serious.

I say, you can't find great love without great risk. My email response:

Yes, I am definitely interested. Please send me your backstage pass.

So here he is, the future father of my children!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Native American Prayer

When it FINALLY hit me that I would lose my mother to an incurable cancer, my heart and soul cried out in anguish and that "little girl" inside of me, with insecure, selfish, little girl needs of love and affection, awakened and wailed.

I realised how much I still needed my mother.

And though I knew it would be difficult, the inevitability was that I would have to let her go, ready or not. So, for every day that I still had my mother, I loved her as deeply and tenderly as I could.

Some people have bitterness and resentment towards their parents during their adult lives. I felt none of this towards my mother and realised that life was too short for blame. Could haves, would haves, should haves. None of this meant anything in the face of death. No point in ruminating over what wasn't perfect, for the Universe knows I was far from it.

I dedicate the following to my beloved mother, Mei Ling, who passed away peacefully on April 24, 2009 after a courageous three-year battle with cancer.

I will always love and miss you, Mom ...

Native American Prayer

I give you this one thought to keep
I am with you still – I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not think of me as gone
I am with you still – in each new dawn.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Craigslist - Men Seeking Women personal ads provide hilarious reading material and great fodder for conversation.

A good lot of men who post seem to live at the bottom of a cesspool, what with their hungry cries for libidinous, hedonistic, no-strings sex. Makes me wonder if and what sort of woman actually responds ...

What ever happened to the romantic date?

Interestingly enough, a friend of mine said something quite funny to me the other day, "Men never know when they're gonna get sex. Women ALWAYS know."

So true, so true ... Can't blame these horny men for their honesty at least. They're just putting their desires out to the Universe ... Here's a selection from today's personal ads:

GL Middle Eastern Guy for a friend with benefits (FWB) - 22
anybody wants to have some extra benefits - 27
Looking for a fuck buddy, I know you're out there - 22
Are you looking to be pleased orally? - 48
Dessert Date Followed by Carnal Pleasure - 30
Bad boy seeks bad girl - 45
Big, Black, Best Fuck of your Life - 29
Submissive/SEXY secreatary/AssiSTANT? - 42
Very Big - 37

Well, not for me ... but to each his own.

But if I was really short on cash, Craigslist would be THE PLACE to go for a "quick fling, no professionals please" or to meet a sweet sugardaddy (all ages available, wow!!) ... or if I really really REALLY wanted to get the inside scoop on sexual technique, I could write to this catch of a fella:

Romantic Touch and Massage for Girls - 52

Learn how to touch and make a man happy ... and enjoy sensual touching and massage by an experienced masseur. This service is available for girls and women 18 years of age and older ... to 30's ... to 40's ... to 50 +

Your teacher is a professional, sensitive, trained, flexible, educated, Caucasian male who is 6-feet tall, 205 lbs, reasonably fit and very clean. Please let me know what you wish to learn and experience.

Winner by far, the award for BEST PERSONAL AD goes to this wonderful gentleman:

An old man but has a young soul looking for his princess - 82

Hello ladies.

82 years old man looking for his soul mate. I can still dance, jump, and even run (though I have to wear my big loose underwear) I don't have much real teeth left but I have a bridge with all set of teeth and trust me my bite hurts. In case anyone ever thought of coming our way, I'll defend you will my teeth and cane. I'm even good in bed since I started my first dose of Viagra and I could take you out for walks. I'm warning you though, I'll have to rest for 10 minutes after each 5 minutes walk. That is what the doctor told me. My heart is not at its best these days, I wonder why!!

Send me a 250% zoom in image of yourself, because I lost my glasses and I need to see how you look like. Failing to do so, might not get you a respond. I don't have much hair left on my head, just a couple white ones. However, I have a chest and a back full of hair and they are all yours.

It might take me a while to respond due to the high amount of emails I'll be getting. If you have a grandfather, it is extra points. I could play chess with him. I hope he is friendly.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Driving Rant #3: Zero satellites

A friend of mine had given me a GPS system for my car last year, worried that I would lose my way on a road trip through the States. It's served me well a few times, even for driving in my own city.

But sometimes, it just plain sucks.

April showers bring May flowers. They also bring no signals. "Zero satellites" ... that is not what I want my GPS to indicate to me while trying to drive off the island on which I live towards a direction that I'm not sure about.

Sure, I had played safe and printed out Googled directions to my friend's house. I decided though as I drove through the dark evening drizzle with wipers going at full blast that this was NOT the time to unclench my two fists from my steering wheel to turn on my little reading light to try to read the printed directions. Too bad too that my start point had changed since I'd printed these out, now taking me over an entirely different bridge.

Then suddenly through the dark gloomy sky ... "Three satellites" ... I now had directions!!

My GPS system spoke to me ... "Turn around at the first possible opportunity". Great, I was on a highway, in fact, on a long bridge going one way. I continued driving.

My GPS system spoke to me again ... "Turn left now". Still on the same bridge, I ignored the sultry voice with the sexy British accent. Again, she spoke to me, "Turn left now". I looked at the GPS route and realised that those "three satellites" were not recognizing my position!

What to do, what to do ... then suddenly, the GPS started recalculating. "Take the next exit" ... but of course, it was too late for me to do this safely.

Modern technology, what would we do without it?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Thank you!

I think a little bit of positive thinking can go a long way ... and loads of positive thinking can get you even further :-)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Driving Rant #2: Fraidy Cat

Drivers who huddle over their steering wheels and drive much slower than the speed limit, blocking traffic, always freak me out. It's like they're waiting for an accident to happen.

If they're that afraid of driving, why drive?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Who says romance is dead?

Happy Valentine's Day!!

This is the absolute best internet dating email exchange I've ever had!

Subject: Where art thou?
Hi! Long time no speak :( (BTW, I feel absolutely no shame about using smiley symbols.) What have you been up to? Cheers

Subject: Re:Where art thou?

Hey, you stopped writing so I thought you'd either met someone or weren't that interested, or most likely a combination of both ... Sorry to hear it didn't work out ... ;-)

Subject: Re:Re:Where art thou?

Actually, I stopped writing because I didn't "see" you around anymore. I fugured the same about you... Well, the whole Shakespeare reference has taken on an usual turn, wouldn't you say? :-)))

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Where art thou?

Actually, I think thou art mistaken. It is I that hath written to thou most recent, and being not sent nary a response, scurried with sunken heart to thy darkest corners of the world to weep my silken tears.

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Where art thou?

Thine words are like a most jagged sword cutting through my tender heart! I pray for you to let me beg for your forgiveness at your feet...

Subject: What does thou proposeth?

My heart not yet healed herself doth wonder what this young knight have in mind ...

Subject: Re:What does thou proposeth?

I shall propose to use the healing properties of food and wine...

Subject: Re:Re:What does thou proposeth?

I shall collect the pieces of my heart from the hard earthen floor of my dark damp room called sorrow ... If I have success in piecing together the fragments of my heart, I shall send word by swift horse and messenger to perhaps partake in your doth proposed evening of healing.

Subject: Re:Re:Re:What does thou proposeth?

I shall await with baited breath. And in my highest hopes I shall refuse to consume food or drink until such time as your Graciousness may smile upon me - your lowest servant - with favour...

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:What does thou proposeth?

Though my fragile heart is held together by mere threads, I will agree to this proposed evening of food and wine ... It intrigues me to meet this man who doth call himself my servant. My governess has forbidden me from temptation of debauchery and has thus placed upon my body a chastity belt. But I will steal away under cover of night in three moon's time on Thursday to meet you outside the castle walls ...

Too bad my knight-in-shining armour still lives with his mother.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Half-naked men just don't entice me enough ...

I've been checking out online dating recently and I've made an interesting observation.

Why do so many men expect me to travel to them? What ever happened to men doing the chasing?

I'm not keen on long-distance, been there, done that ... These relationships all too often end up in frustration and broken hearts unless some master plan is concocted that successfully places the two lovebirds in the same general vicinity.

I'm not cynical, I'm just realistic. And sorry, phone sex just doesn't cut it for me.

An English chap started writing to me not too long ago and when I told him that I wasn't interested in anything long-distance, he replied:

"canada is not far... you just go to a concrete building, get in a silver tube, sit there for six and a half hrs and lo and behold you're in mooseland... you can always come this way... "

Yup, there you have it ... nary a phone call and he's suggesting I blow a huge wad on money to visit his torso (the only pic he would send me).

What do you think, folks ... is it worth the time, effort and money to visit this half-naked man?

Hmmm ... decisions, decisions ...


So onto the next profile. This fine fella works out at the gym ...

And obviously wants all the girls to know this ...
Note to men:

If you are planning on doing the internet dating route, please DO NOT post half-naked photos of yourself. Though you may prefer to see us women posing half-naked in lingerie in our profile pics, we actually prefer a well-dressed man oozing with confidence in his. Save that hot bod of yours for strutting your feathers at the gym as you compete for the position of Highest Testosterone Level.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Gong Hei Fat Choi!

Today is the New Year in the Chinese calendar and it's the Year of the Ox.

From another website:

"The Ox of Chinese Astrology is no bull in a china shop. Steadfast and solid, this powerful Sign is a born leader, being quite dependable and possessing an innate ability to achieve great things. Oxen tend to be plodding and methodical; they approach projects in the step-by-step manner that serves them best, and they never lose sight of their goal. They are tireless workers who are detail-oriented and believe in doing things right the first time.

"The world may perceive Oxen as being far too serious or incapable of loosening up. This sturdy sort is less than social by nature and tends to become introverted in a crowd. To make things worse, they can't be bothered with what other people think and prefer to do what makes them feel best. Behind that calm facade, though, lives an Ox who can feel hurt, lonely and unable to connect with others. Friends and family are a great source of comfort to this beast, even if they don't always understand what makes the Ox tick. As a lover, friend, family member or housemate, the Ox makes a wonderfully strong, tender and affectionate companion who is protective and always reliable.

"Out in the world, though, Oxen tend to be stubborn, dogmatic, my-way-or-the-highway kind of people who have no concept of when to back down. Oxen don't care to be pushed, especially since they think they're the good guys of the Chinese Zodiac. There is some truth to that theory, since the Ox is smart, trustworthy, caring and honorable. If you need honest, steady and unbiased advice, call on the Ox.

"A good lesson for mighty Oxen is to strive to overcome a judgmental nature that keeps them from getting close to others. If they can learn to value their own good qualities, they'll have more room in their hearts to invite others in."

From Wikipedia:

Roughly-equivalent Western sign:

Positive Traits: Responsible, dependable, honest, caring, honourable, intelligent, artistic, industrious, practical

Negative Traits: Petty, inflexible, possessive, dogmatic, gullible, stubborn, critical, intolerant, materialistic

Superstitions during the New Year period
*The following is a list of beliefs that vary according to dialect groups / individuals.

Good luck

- Opening windows and/or doors is considered to bring in the good luck of the new year.
- Switching on the lights for the night is considered good luck to 'scare away' ghosts and spirits of misfortune that may compromise the luck and fortune of the new year.
- Sweets are eaten to ensure the consumer a "sweet" year.
- It is important to have the house completely clean from top to bottom before New Year's Day for good luck in the coming year. (however, as explained below, cleaning the house on or after New Year's Day is frowned upon)
- Some believe that what happens on the first day of the new year reflects the rest of the year to come. Chinese people will often gamble at the beginning of the year, hoping to get luck and prosperity.
- Wearing a new pair of slippers that is bought before the new year, because it means to step on the people who gossip about you.
- The night before the new year, bathe yourself in pomelo leaves and some say that you will be healthy for the rest of the new year.
- Changing different things in the house such as blankets, clothes, mattress covers etc. is also a well respected tradition in terms of cleaning the house in preparation for the new year.

Bad luck

- Buying a pair of shoes is considered bad luck amongst some Chinese. The character for "shoe" (鞋) is a homophone for the character 諧/谐, which means "rough" in Cantonese; in Mandarin it is also a homophone for the character for "evil" (邪).
- Getting a hair-cut in the first lunar month puts a curse on maternal uncles. Therefore, people get a hair-cut before the New Year's Eve.
- Washing your hair is also considered to be washing away one's own luck (although modern hygienic concerns take precedence over this tradition)
- Sweeping the floor is usually forbidden on the first day, as it will sweep away the good fortune and luck for the new year.
- Saying words like "finished" and "gone" is inauspicious on the New Year, so sometimes people would avoid these words by saying "I have completed eating my meal" rather than say "I have finished my meal."
- Talking about death is inappropriate for the first few days of Chinese New Year, as it is considered inauspicious.
- Buying (or reading) books is bad luck because the character for "book" (書/书) is a homonym to the character for "lose" (輸/输).
- Avoid clothes in black and white, as black is a symbol of bad luck, and white is a traditional Chinese funeral colour.
- Foul language is inappropriate during the Chinese New Year.
- Offering anything in fours, as the number four (四), pronounced sì, can sound like "death" (死), pronounced sĭ, in Chinese. Pronunciations given here are for Mandarin, but the two words are also near-homophones in Cantonese.
- One should never buy a clock for someone or for oneself because a clock in Chinese tradition means one's life is limited or "the end," which is also forbidden.
- Avoid medicine and medicine related activities (at least on the first day) as it will give a bad fortune on one's health and lessen the luck one can obtain from New Years.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

We the people!

Everyone's thrilled that Bush is out and Obama is in!

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We're the ones we've been waiting for. We're the change that we seek."
- Barack Obama
There will be lots of celebrating going on tonight and not just in the United States! We up here in Canada just love American politics. It's way more exciting than ours and what with a new leader that will actually do something for his people and for his country ... WELL!! There is hope for the world ...

Heck, can anyone even name a Canadian politician that actually made a difference recently?

I'm not saying I don't love Canada, I truly do! I may not have shown up for the last election since there weren't any worthwhile candidates, but I do speak both languages, English and French, and I have built many an igloo in my backyard as a kid.

Yes, I am extremely patriotic ... I have a beaver!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Technological advancements with the booty call

Used to be: "Hey, wanna come over and watch a video or something?"

Now it's: "Hey, wanna come over and play some Wii or something?"

Wii = cool interactive video game

We = one male and one female

Wee = interactive game played by the We after the Wii

"If you lose your way, I will help you find it."