Monday, April 20, 2009

Craigslist - Men Seeking Women personal ads provide hilarious reading material and great fodder for conversation.

A good lot of men who post seem to live at the bottom of a cesspool, what with their hungry cries for libidinous, hedonistic, no-strings sex. Makes me wonder if and what sort of woman actually responds ...

What ever happened to the romantic date?

Interestingly enough, a friend of mine said something quite funny to me the other day, "Men never know when they're gonna get sex. Women ALWAYS know."

So true, so true ... Can't blame these horny men for their honesty at least. They're just putting their desires out to the Universe ... Here's a selection from today's personal ads:

GL Middle Eastern Guy for a friend with benefits (FWB) - 22
anybody wants to have some extra benefits - 27
Looking for a fuck buddy, I know you're out there - 22
Are you looking to be pleased orally? - 48
Dessert Date Followed by Carnal Pleasure - 30
Bad boy seeks bad girl - 45
Big, Black, Best Fuck of your Life - 29
Submissive/SEXY secreatary/AssiSTANT? - 42
Very Big - 37

Well, not for me ... but to each his own.

But if I was really short on cash, Craigslist would be THE PLACE to go for a "quick fling, no professionals please" or to meet a sweet sugardaddy (all ages available, wow!!) ... or if I really really REALLY wanted to get the inside scoop on sexual technique, I could write to this catch of a fella:

Romantic Touch and Massage for Girls - 52

Learn how to touch and make a man happy ... and enjoy sensual touching and massage by an experienced masseur. This service is available for girls and women 18 years of age and older ... to 30's ... to 40's ... to 50 +

Your teacher is a professional, sensitive, trained, flexible, educated, Caucasian male who is 6-feet tall, 205 lbs, reasonably fit and very clean. Please let me know what you wish to learn and experience.

Winner by far, the award for BEST PERSONAL AD goes to this wonderful gentleman:

An old man but has a young soul looking for his princess - 82

Hello ladies.

82 years old man looking for his soul mate. I can still dance, jump, and even run (though I have to wear my big loose underwear) I don't have much real teeth left but I have a bridge with all set of teeth and trust me my bite hurts. In case anyone ever thought of coming our way, I'll defend you will my teeth and cane. I'm even good in bed since I started my first dose of Viagra and I could take you out for walks. I'm warning you though, I'll have to rest for 10 minutes after each 5 minutes walk. That is what the doctor told me. My heart is not at its best these days, I wonder why!!

Send me a 250% zoom in image of yourself, because I lost my glasses and I need to see how you look like. Failing to do so, might not get you a respond. I don't have much hair left on my head, just a couple white ones. However, I have a chest and a back full of hair and they are all yours.

It might take me a while to respond due to the high amount of emails I'll be getting. If you have a grandfather, it is extra points. I could play chess with him. I hope he is friendly.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Driving Rant #3: Zero satellites

A friend of mine had given me a GPS system for my car last year, worried that I would lose my way on a road trip through the States. It's served me well a few times, even for driving in my own city.

But sometimes, it just plain sucks.

April showers bring May flowers. They also bring no signals. "Zero satellites" ... that is not what I want my GPS to indicate to me while trying to drive off the island on which I live towards a direction that I'm not sure about.

Sure, I had played safe and printed out Googled directions to my friend's house. I decided though as I drove through the dark evening drizzle with wipers going at full blast that this was NOT the time to unclench my two fists from my steering wheel to turn on my little reading light to try to read the printed directions. Too bad too that my start point had changed since I'd printed these out, now taking me over an entirely different bridge.

Then suddenly through the dark gloomy sky ... "Three satellites" ... I now had directions!!

My GPS system spoke to me ... "Turn around at the first possible opportunity". Great, I was on a highway, in fact, on a long bridge going one way. I continued driving.

My GPS system spoke to me again ... "Turn left now". Still on the same bridge, I ignored the sultry voice with the sexy British accent. Again, she spoke to me, "Turn left now". I looked at the GPS route and realised that those "three satellites" were not recognizing my position!

What to do, what to do ... then suddenly, the GPS started recalculating. "Take the next exit" ... but of course, it was too late for me to do this safely.

Modern technology, what would we do without it?

"If you lose your way, I will help you find it."