He just ain't worth the heartache, babe!

Dear Irongoddess,

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. Like we didn't date that long or anything, just a few months, but I was so in love with him. I mean REALLY in love with him like I've never been with anyone else! Now I'm so sad and I cry everyday. I really miss him, and all the things we used to do together. I've been reading up about relationships and wish I could figure out a way to get him back ... Please tell me what to do!

Sincerely,
Katie from OH

*******************************************************

Dear Katie,

For sure you're gonna hurt from the breakup. It's not just about the heartache caused from love lost but also from FUTURE love lost ... it's from an investment into dreams or a potential future together.

You don't mention in your letter any details with regards to your break-up so I'll just conclude for sake of ease that the relationship wasn't working for either of you (otherwise, you'd still be together, right?)

I'm sorry to hear that you still feel sad and wish I could wipe away your tears, but you must now stop and ask yourself how do you REALLY feel instead of how do you THINK you feel?

If he broke up because he wasn't in love with him, is it worth pining away for someone who doesn't love you with all his heart? You're WAY more special than that, girlfriend. It's simple, you should never have to convince a man to love you.

And if you were the one to break it up since you didn't like how he was treating you, well kudos to you! Breaking up while still loving someone is very difficult to do, but you did the right thing ... you must love YOURSELF first!

We teach others how we need and want to be treated ... What part of him do you want back? Just the parts that made you feel good? That made you laugh or feel special? What about all the icky parts of him that made you feel unloved and sad and not very special to him? Being with him means being with ALL PARTS of him. Would you be ready to put up with that for the rest of your life?

I think you need to examine whether you are still in love with him, or perhaps you just miss the fun things about being with him. Do you miss all the times when you felt lousy as well? It's like being a drug addict ... is a short quick high worth all that horrible down period? Perhaps you don't even miss HIM, you just miss having a fun, loving relationship.

Ask yourself, were you really in love with the Present Him (which includes all his faults) or the Potential Him (the one who would change since he loved you so much)? He is who he is, sweetie, and you will never be able change him. Only he can do that, and only for his own reasons.

I say, move on, take the time to spoil yourself. You have so much love to give, and now it's time to LOVE YOURSELF!

Don't feel ashamed to be selfish with your love, especially while you're healing ... do things that make you happy, whatever they may be! Seeing friends, going to shows, working out, shopping, meeting new men, whatever makes you feel good. Soon enough the days will pass, your heart will heal, and you will realise more and more how unhappy you felt while dating your ex, and how much he wasn't right for you. He'll even slip out of your mind completely, but by that time, you won't even notice!

Just remind yourself that everything in life happens for a reason, and that you can't have room in your heart for Mr. Right if you're still hanging on to Mr. Wrong. Don't worry, he WILL come along ;-)

Cheers,
The Irongoddess

p.s. Here's a great little video ... be strong, and LOVE YOURSELF!

The Power of One

This short Swedish clip speaks for itself ... let me know what you think!

Is this the next sexy fad?

I went onto Craigslist recently to see what was new with "Men Seeking Women" and found these ...

I don't get it! What is with the headless naked torso?

I don't know one women who has ever ooohed and aaahed from photos like these. Women actually find well-dressed torsos with handsome faces attached MUCH sexier!

Alright, it's clear which shots are self-portraits, but the others ... hmmm ... can you imagine what is going through the photographer's mind? But even worse than headless naked torso pics are those hard cock close-up shots ... yes, oh so enticing!

Men, wake up! No, most women do NOT want to look at headless naked pics of you to choose their ideal mate or even lover. They're just plain gross and tacky. And more likely, it'll be other men checking you out ... think about it guys ...

What we take for granted ...

I had a nasty fall in January and broke the greater tuberosity of my left humerus, can you see it?


Does this help?


The shoulder joint is the most complex one in the body, one that involves many movements, and needless to say, the recovery has been extremely difficult, and in fact, at times, excruciatingly painful. I am only just now off pain meds, eight weeks later.

So now that I'm finally out of my sling, I am deep in physiotherapy to increase my shoulder's range of motion (everything "locked up" to protect the bone) and have recently started strength exercises with one and three pound weights. Yes, you read that right! One and three pound weights. Still can't pull my car door shut nor my fridge door open with my left arm and don't dare push, pull or carry anything, even my purse. The bone needs another month to harden ...

The six weeks I was in my sling was a real eye-opener as I suddenly became one-armed.

It was difficult to get dressed and wash myself, and in general, take care of myself. I couldn't hold my toast properly to spread things on it. I couldn't chop up food. I still can't open a new water bottle since my left arm is not strong enough to tolerate the torque necessary to remove the cap. I couldn't sleep well or maneouvre around easily, the pain and discomfort was absolutely horrible.

While I was in my sling, I had to type with one hand, which I, a 60 wpm typist, found excruciatingly slow. I poured half the bottle of shampoo on my head the first time I washed my hair by myself ... this I rectified the next time by pouring shampoo on my leg and swooping it up quickly with my right hand, once freed of the bottle.

I gave up trying to lather my right arm, shoulder and back properly but discovered that I could rub body lotion on my right side by first putting some on my leg and then bending over, twisting my right arm and shoulder all over it. Discouraged that I could no longer put my hair in a ponytail, I learned to use my right arm and hand with the aid of a table to put my hair into a clip.

Now I'm two-handed again and I am thrilled that I have my *mobility* back. Full recovery is many weeks away ... lots of physio appointments and exercises still to go but I can type with both hands again. I can cook too. I have now removed the extra pillow that propped my shoulder up in bed, locking me into one position, and am slowly readapting to sleeping in other positions, within my pain limit.

I still can't scrape the ice off my car but I am happy that I can do up my coat, now that my slinged arm is no longer in the way. I'm relieved that I've got my balance back and can walk around outside without risk of losing my balance and falling on the snow and ice that was present during the past months.

But all these difficulties I encountered don't mean a thing in the grand perspective of life except to show me to embrace what I am able to do. Take a look at this video about Nick Vujicic, a man born without any limbs ... incredible and inspirational!



I am on the road to a full recovery and back to blogging, yay! If you can, try not to break your shoulder now, my dear readers ...

"Don't ask yourself and see what you don't have, see what you do have ..."
- Nick Vujicic

Life is too precious ...

48 Hours on Craigslist: An Interview with Mr. Maybe

Alright folks, it's a New Year and I've somehow skipped over the Holiday Season. How? Well, maybe it had something to do with this or maybe this ...

Frolicking with friends in the French Alps does hold a certain distraction :-D

Alright, alright ... now that we've determined the real issue of my non-blogging, I will accept total responsibility and catch you up on something I started last summer.

I am a lost sheep returning to the fold ... it is the New Year, right? ... Right? All is forgiven?

*********************************************************

Mr. Maybe agreed to meet me in a café/bar in a trendy part of town. He was actually already there when I arrived.

Promptness ... check!

I sat down on the bar stool beside him in front of the window and immediately fell off. I promptly moved the interview to a cosy little table where I couldn't embarrass myself further ... I am the Irongoddess after all and can't be seen sprawled across the floor of a public establishment!

Profile of Mr. Maybe (aka "Rodger"):

- slim, well-dressed man, early 30's, European background
- tidy appearance and hairstyle, clean-shaven

Presentation ... check!

- likes his job, works as an analyst but is far from being a computer geek
- soft-spoken, very polite
- never been married, no children
- hasn't been in a serious relationship for several years but is open to "seeing where things go", from a short fling to settling down ... doesn't believe in having a double standard if things start out on a more physical note (yes, he would see the girl again!)

Open-minded, comfortable with himself, non-judgmental ... check!

- recreational jogger and cyclist

Fit ... check!

- has been cooking for himself since he moved out 10 years ago ... "I can't live on peanut butter sandwiches!"
- cooking and cleaning have become habits over the years and they have in fact evolved into relaxing activities. Rodger takes comfort and pride in managing his home.

Cooking and cleaning ... CHECK!!!

Mr. Maybe's online dating history:

- Rodger's been dabbling with online dating for a year but has only been on Craigslist for the past 8-9 months
- a friend of his set up a profile for him on Plenty of Fish, but he prefers Craigslist over the other dating websites as it's easier (one-stop website) and he finds it entertaining ("like watching an episode of Seinfeld")
- uses a "form letter response" which he personalises according to the women's posts

- though he didn't remember what I'd written in my fake online post , he usually looks for the following qualities: easy-going, fun, nothing overtly sexual, someone who likes activities
- usually, there is something in particular that will trigger a response from him as he doesn't have a finite shopping list
- has so far only met a few women off the internet, but no one interesting enough to continue dating
- like me, he also asks the question, "Why would a guy want to take a picture of his own cock and why would a woman want to see it?" CHECK!!

Mr. Maybe's dating preferences:

- as Rodger comes from a large traditional household (8 kids!), he'd prefer a more traditional relationship with stereotypical male/female roles ... perhaps this is just "old school" conditioning according to him

- he admits though that he's not handy at all around the house and it's not essential that his partner cook
- he's remarked that in some of his friend's relationships, some of the women seem lost if they are not in the traditional role, but for himself, what counts most is that "at the end of the day, things have to get done."
- though he could date a sporty girl, he wouldn't want someone who was competitive
- Rodger likes girly-girls and actually finds their materialistic shopping habits kinda sexy, probably because he prefers a well-dressed, stylish, refined woman who takes pride in her appearance
- likes a confident woman who is not afraid in expressing who she is

Mr. Maybe's 5 words to describe Ms. Right:

Pretty, perky, intelligent, focused and fit

Mr. Maybe's 5 words to describe himself:

Easy-going, confident, funny, family and friend-oriented

Overall, I found Mr. Maybe to be quite pleasant and was amazed when he was astute enough to recognize the perfume I was wearing ("White Musk" from the Body Shop) ... AND he paid for my coffee! What a gentleman!

Closing comment on his first email to me:

"Although I like to cook for others, it may be best that we meet at a restaurant first to show you I am not a weirdo!!!"

A very sweet, sincere and charming fella, a little quirky but in a good way, and assuredly Mr. Right for some lucky girl out there ... write me if you're interested!

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is hilarious!! Well at least *I* think so ... Hope you had a wonderful day celebrating with friends and family :-)

Why not do tomorrow what I can do today?

As some of you may have noticed, I haven't been keeping up with my blogging ... so for today's posting I thought I'd write about PROCRASTINATION:

From www.dictionary.com:

pro⋅cras⋅ti⋅nate
 
–verb (used without object)
1.
to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

–verb (used with object)
2.
to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.


From www. quotegarden.com:

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. ~William James

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~Don Marquis

Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday. ~Author Unknown

Every duty which is bidden to wait returns with seven fresh duties at its back. ~Charles Kingsley

The sooner I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up. ~Author Unknown

If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done. ~Author Unknown

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment. ~Robert Benchley

There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back. ~Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister

It is an undoubted truth, that the less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in. ~Earl of Chesterfield

The two rules of procrastination: 1) Do it today. 2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow. ~Author Unknown

One of the greatest labor-saving inventions of today is tomorrow. ~Vincent T. Foss

You may delay, but time will not. ~Benjamin Franklin

Someday is not a day of the week. ~Author Unknown

To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing. ~Eva Young

Don't fool yourself that important things can be put off till tomorrow; they can be put off forever, or not at all. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. ~C. Northcote Parkinson, 1958

Procrastination is opportunity's assassin. ~Victor Kiam

If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it. ~Olin Miller

What may be done at any time will be done at no time. ~Scottish Proverb

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. ~Joe Ryan

Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow. ~Gerald Vaughan

The best way to get something done is to begin. ~Author Unknown

You know you are getting old when it takes too much effort to procrastinate. ~Author Unknown

I do my work at the same time each day - the last minute. ~Author Unknown

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. ~Spanish Proverb

The time to begin most things is ten years ago. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Putting off an easy thing makes it hard. Putting off a hard thing makes it impossible. ~George Claude Lorimer

Tomorrow is the day when idlers work, and fools reform. ~Edward Young

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. ~Mark Twain

Tomorrow is the only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man. ~Jimmy Lyons

A year from now you may wish you had started today. ~Karen Lamb

Procrastination is like masturbation. At first it feels good, but in the end you're only screwing yourself. ~Author unknown, possibly from Monty Python?

One of these days is none of these days. ~Attributed to both Henri Tubach and H.G. Bohn

Procrastination is the thief of time. ~Edward Young


I have lots more to say about the subject of procrastination, but I think I'll post about that tomorrow ...

To thong or not to thong ...

Dear Readers,

I actually owe you an interview I conducted as Part III to "48 Hours on Craigslist" but needless to say, I've been a little um ... delinquent with posting, not that I don't have a ton of topics to write about ...

I recently did some underwear shopping.

Some women like to wear thongs, myself included. Actually, let me clarify that, I like to wear both thongs and bikinis (no Grandma briefs though!) The advantage of wearing a thong is "no panty lines" but a horrible trend that I've noticed in women's panties is the amount of spandex in the fabrics.

I tell you, there ain't nothing worse than an "elastic band" creeping up into your ass. What ever happened to pure cotton thongs?

Consumer Gripe #1: If only I had known ...

I bought some facial tissues the other day. Great, they were on sale, "Scotties" brand too ... S-O-F-T ... nice ...

Yeah, until I opened the box and used one. I didn't know Scotties made sandpaper with such fine grade. "EnviroCare" they call it.

Just have to get through all six boxes now ... Well, at least there are only 152 tissues per box, not the usual 200.

48 hours on Craigslist: The Results, Part II

First of all, my apologies for the tardiness of the results to my nifty social experiment ... been taking advantage of summer, that is, inbetween all the rain.

Alright ... in June, I posted "48 hours on Craigslist" where I placed two ads on Craigslist, one asking for a "forever-and-ever" type of relationship, the other asking for raunchy NSA sex (that's "no-strings-attached", folks). In my previous post, I delivered my findings on the second ad ... now it's time to examine the results to the first one:

Looking for Mr. Right - w4m - 33

Young professional ready to settle down and concentrate on the bigger picture. Would definitely love to start a family. I've devoted most of my 20's to studying and my career, putting my love life on hold. Now I'm ready to explore and discover what's out there!

I like candle-lit suppers, long walks in nature, and relaxed Sunday mornings with coffee and a good book. Though people might describe me as shy and reserved, I'm actually quite adventurous with the right person if I feel comfortable enough. I'm not super into fitness but do enjoy cycling and rollerblading from time to time and try to live a healthy lifestyle, though I do like nice wines.

Hoping you are out there somewhere, waiting for me, to start a caring, loving relationship based on honesty, respect and true intimacy ... xo

While composing this ad, I tried to write from the point of view of an intelligent, sweet, not-too-experienced girl ... someone a little shy and unpresuming but had direction and wouldn't intimidate most men with her interests or activities. I tried to list common things that most people would like, making her blend easily into or compliment most lifestyles.

Basically, I tried to make her as "vanilla" as possible without making her appear too boring.

The only element that I added to throw a guy off was her strong desire to find that "knight in shining armour", settle down and have kids, something which gives most men who just want to have a "good time" the heebie-jeebies.

Surprisingly, I received 21 letters, two within the first hour of posting on Craigslist! Are there really this many men out there who are looking for a meaningful relationship?

Could the ratio of men who want Commitment vs. Casual Sex really be as high as 1:5?
*Based on the responses received by both Craigslist postings

Here are the stats:

• Of the 61.9% that stated their age, the average was 33.9, the youngest being 25, and the oldest being 52 (I'm listed in my ad as 33.)
• 47.6% of the letters contained spelling or grammatical errors
• 14.3% of the respondents sent pics ... yes, of their faces, no body shots (a total of three men)

Mind you, taking a closer look at the emails received, I quickly realised that the majority of the men who responded were not actually interested in a relationship. They were looking for an audience or an admirer ... as I surmised from the almost total lack of interest in what I'd written in my Craigslist ad.

Many of the emails were evidently form letters, monologues about these men, who they were and what they wanted. Only a few made even a single comment about what they found interesting about my CL post which was that they too had left relationships on the backburner for too long.

Shortest email to try to woo me ... I almost fainted when I realised I'd found my soulmate at last! :

hi
whats your stats
professional 30m asian

Then of course, my heart skipped a beat when I read this gentlemen's email:

"I am the one you are looking"

Hello! I am a Professional black man looking for a female who loves to kiss , make love , love to get oral sex ,do fun things together and be in business together, maybe have a family and someone who I can trust ,preferably, for fun and cool conversation ...

Maybe he is "The One?" Like, what woman doesn't like to receive oral sex? JACKPOT!

Well, if I decide that he is not The One, then surely one of the other eight women he group emailed would think so. And if they don't think so, then maybe some other woman on Craigslist would think so. This man gets credit for his efficiency ... he sent out his CL ad verbatim as his love letter. Like, why fiddle with perfection?

Of course though, if I wanted to satisfy both my "carnal sexual hedonistic" AND "sweet innocent commitment-seeking" sides, I could always go for this guy, who wrote back to both of my CL ads:

Hi there!
I am D***. I am 25 and live in montreal. So you are horny. Can you keep it longer enough. Like all night. Are you sexualy strong enough. If you are i am up for it. write me back. if you are interested. Take care have fun. BYE

HI there!
I am D*** from Montreal. I am 25 years old. My height is 5,6 INC. My weight is 145POUNDS. I work in au auto garage 5 days a week and have weekend off. My hobbies are going on a long walk, music, movies, swimming, walking, and playing soccer. I go to GYM time to time. I love to laugh and make other people laugh. I am very talkative person. Thats all about me. If there is anything you would like to know about me just ask me. I would be more happy to answer your question. Thanks for reading my email. You have a wonderful day. Take care BYE

Well, maybe not ... that second letter seems a little monologuish and doesn't even show me that he's even read my ad ... (don't make the same mistake with internet dating, fellas!)

But I did receive one particularly interesting letter and was actually quite impressed with it ... I'm not at liberty to disclose the entire letter, but let's just say that he ended one fun paragraph with:

So it seems within the last 24h (or next 2) pretty did all the things you enjoyed based on your description!!!

Wow ... I had to meet him!

I wrote to him and explained that I was doing a social experiment ... would he consent to an interview? Stayed tuned for the next post as the Irongoddess interviews Mr. Maybe.