Saturday, May 30, 2009

Native American Prayer


When it FINALLY hit me that I would lose my mother to an incurable cancer, my heart and soul cried out in anguish and that "little girl" inside of me, with insecure, selfish, little girl needs of love and affection, awakened and wailed.

I realised how much I still needed my mother.

And though I knew it would be difficult, the inevitability was that I would have to let her go, ready or not. So, for every day that I still had my mother, I loved her as deeply and tenderly as I could.

Some people have bitterness and resentment towards their parents during their adult lives. I felt none of this towards my mother and realised that life was too short for blame. Could haves, would haves, should haves. None of this meant anything in the face of death. No point in ruminating over what wasn't perfect, for the Universe knows I was far from it.


I dedicate the following to my beloved mother, Mei Ling, who passed away peacefully on April 24, 2009 after a courageous three-year battle with cancer.

I will always love and miss you, Mom ...

Native American Prayer

I give you this one thought to keep
I am with you still – I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not think of me as gone
I am with you still – in each new dawn.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Craigslist - Men Seeking Women

Craigslist.org personal ads provide hilarious reading material and great fodder for conversation.

A good lot of men who post seem to live at the bottom of a cesspool, what with their hungry cries for libidinous, hedonistic, no-strings sex. Makes me wonder if and what sort of woman actually responds ...

What ever happened to the romantic date?

Interestingly enough, a friend of mine said something quite funny to me the other day, "Men never know when they're gonna get sex. Women ALWAYS know."

So true, so true ... Can't blame these horny men for their honesty at least. They're just putting their desires out to the Universe ... Here's a selection from today's personal ads:

GL Middle Eastern Guy for a friend with benefits (FWB) - 22
anybody wants to have some extra benefits - 27
Looking for a fuck buddy, I know you're out there - 22
Are you looking to be pleased orally? - 48
Dessert Date Followed by Carnal Pleasure - 30
Bad boy seeks bad girl - 45
Big, Black, Best Fuck of your Life - 29
Submissive/SEXY secreatary/AssiSTANT? - 42
Very Big - 37

Well, not for me ... but to each his own.

But if I was really short on cash, Craigslist would be THE PLACE to go for a "quick fling, no professionals please" or to meet a sweet sugardaddy (all ages available, wow!!) ... or if I really really REALLY wanted to get the inside scoop on sexual technique, I could write to this catch of a fella:

Romantic Touch and Massage for Girls - 52

Learn how to touch and make a man happy ... and enjoy sensual touching and massage by an experienced masseur. This service is available for girls and women 18 years of age and older ... to 30's ... to 40's ... to 50 +

Your teacher is a professional, sensitive, trained, flexible, educated, Caucasian male who is 6-feet tall, 205 lbs, reasonably fit and very clean. Please let me know what you wish to learn and experience.


Winner by far, the award for BEST PERSONAL AD goes to this wonderful gentleman:

An old man but has a young soul looking for his princess - 82

Hello ladies.

82 years old man looking for his soul mate. I can still dance, jump, and even run (though I have to wear my big loose underwear) I don't have much real teeth left but I have a bridge with all set of teeth and trust me my bite hurts. In case anyone ever thought of coming our way, I'll defend you will my teeth and cane. I'm even good in bed since I started my first dose of Viagra and I could take you out for walks. I'm warning you though, I'll have to rest for 10 minutes after each 5 minutes walk. That is what the doctor told me. My heart is not at its best these days, I wonder why!!

Send me a 250% zoom in image of yourself, because I lost my glasses and I need to see how you look like. Failing to do so, might not get you a respond. I don't have much hair left on my head, just a couple white ones. However, I have a chest and a back full of hair and they are all yours.

It might take me a while to respond due to the high amount of emails I'll be getting. If you have a grandfather, it is extra points. I could play chess with him. I hope he is friendly.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Driving Rant #3: Zero satellites

A friend of mine had given me a GPS system for my car last year, worried that I would lose my way on a road trip through the States. It's served me well a few times, even for driving in my own city.

But sometimes, it just plain sucks.

April showers bring May flowers. They also bring no signals. "Zero satellites" ... that is not what I want my GPS to indicate to me while trying to drive off the island on which I live towards a direction that I'm not sure about.

Sure, I had played safe and printed out Googled directions to my friend's house. I decided though as I drove through the dark evening drizzle with wipers going at full blast that this was NOT the time to unclench my two fists from my steering wheel to turn on my little reading light to try to read the printed directions. Too bad too that my start point had changed since I'd printed these out, now taking me over an entirely different bridge.

Then suddenly through the dark gloomy sky ... "Three satellites" ... I now had directions!!

My GPS system spoke to me ... "Turn around at the first possible opportunity". Great, I was on a highway, in fact, on a long bridge going one way. I continued driving.

My GPS system spoke to me again ... "Turn left now". Still on the same bridge, I ignored the sultry voice with the sexy British accent. Again, she spoke to me, "Turn left now". I looked at the GPS route and realised that those "three satellites" were not recognizing my position!

What to do, what to do ... then suddenly, the GPS started recalculating. "Take the next exit" ... but of course, it was too late for me to do this safely.

Modern technology, what would we do without it?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Thank you MagMyPic.com!

I think a little bit of positive thinking can go a long way ... and loads of positive thinking can get you even further :-)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Driving Rant #2: Fraidy Cat

Drivers who huddle over their steering wheels and drive much slower than the speed limit, blocking traffic, always freak me out. It's like they're waiting for an accident to happen.

If they're that afraid of driving, why drive?


Saturday, February 14, 2009

Who says romance is dead?

Happy Valentine's Day!!

This is the absolute best internet dating email exchange I've ever had!

Subject: Where art thou?
Hi! Long time no speak :( (BTW, I feel absolutely no shame about using smiley symbols.) What have you been up to? Cheers

Subject: Re:Where art thou?

Hey, you stopped writing so I thought you'd either met someone or weren't that interested, or most likely a combination of both ... Sorry to hear it didn't work out ... ;-)

Subject: Re:Re:Where art thou?

Actually, I stopped writing because I didn't "see" you around anymore. I fugured the same about you... Well, the whole Shakespeare reference has taken on an usual turn, wouldn't you say? :-)))

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Where art thou?

Actually, I think thou art mistaken. It is I that hath written to thou most recent, and being not sent nary a response, scurried with sunken heart to thy darkest corners of the world to weep my silken tears.

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Where art thou?

Thine words are like a most jagged sword cutting through my tender heart! I pray for you to let me beg for your forgiveness at your feet...

Subject: What does thou proposeth?

My heart not yet healed herself doth wonder what this young knight have in mind ...

Subject: Re:What does thou proposeth?

I shall propose to use the healing properties of food and wine...

Subject: Re:Re:What does thou proposeth?

I shall collect the pieces of my heart from the hard earthen floor of my dark damp room called sorrow ... If I have success in piecing together the fragments of my heart, I shall send word by swift horse and messenger to perhaps partake in your doth proposed evening of healing.

Subject: Re:Re:Re:What does thou proposeth?

I shall await with baited breath. And in my highest hopes I shall refuse to consume food or drink until such time as your Graciousness may smile upon me - your lowest servant - with favour...

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:What does thou proposeth?

Though my fragile heart is held together by mere threads, I will agree to this proposed evening of food and wine ... It intrigues me to meet this man who doth call himself my servant. My governess has forbidden me from temptation of debauchery and has thus placed upon my body a chastity belt. But I will steal away under cover of night in three moon's time on Thursday to meet you outside the castle walls ...

Too bad my knight-in-shining armour still lives with his mother.



Friday, January 30, 2009

Half-naked men just don't entice me enough ...

I've been checking out online dating recently and I've made an interesting observation.

Why do so many men expect me to travel to them? What ever happened to men doing the chasing?

I'm not keen on long-distance, been there, done that ... These relationships all too often end up in frustration and broken hearts unless some master plan is concocted that successfully places the two lovebirds in the same general vicinity.

I'm not cynical, I'm just realistic. And sorry, phone sex just doesn't cut it for me.

An English chap started writing to me not too long ago and when I told him that I wasn't interested in anything long-distance, he replied:

"canada is not far... you just go to a concrete building, get in a silver tube, sit there for six and a half hrs and lo and behold you're in mooseland... you can always come this way... "

Yup, there you have it ... nary a phone call and he's suggesting I blow a huge wad on money to visit his torso (the only pic he would send me).

What do you think, folks ... is it worth the time, effort and money to visit this half-naked man?

Hmmm ... decisions, decisions ...

Nah.

So onto the next profile. This fine fella works out at the gym ...

And obviously wants all the girls to know this ...
Note to men:

If you are planning on doing the internet dating route, please DO NOT post half-naked photos of yourself. Though you may prefer to see us women posing half-naked in lingerie in our profile pics, we actually prefer a well-dressed man oozing with confidence in his. Save that hot bod of yours for strutting your feathers at the gym as you compete for the position of Highest Testosterone Level.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Gong Hei Fat Choi!

Today is the New Year in the Chinese calendar and it's the Year of the Ox.

From another website:

"The Ox of Chinese Astrology is no bull in a china shop. Steadfast and solid, this powerful Sign is a born leader, being quite dependable and possessing an innate ability to achieve great things. Oxen tend to be plodding and methodical; they approach projects in the step-by-step manner that serves them best, and they never lose sight of their goal. They are tireless workers who are detail-oriented and believe in doing things right the first time.

"The world may perceive Oxen as being far too serious or incapable of loosening up. This sturdy sort is less than social by nature and tends to become introverted in a crowd. To make things worse, they can't be bothered with what other people think and prefer to do what makes them feel best. Behind that calm facade, though, lives an Ox who can feel hurt, lonely and unable to connect with others. Friends and family are a great source of comfort to this beast, even if they don't always understand what makes the Ox tick. As a lover, friend, family member or housemate, the Ox makes a wonderfully strong, tender and affectionate companion who is protective and always reliable.

"Out in the world, though, Oxen tend to be stubborn, dogmatic, my-way-or-the-highway kind of people who have no concept of when to back down. Oxen don't care to be pushed, especially since they think they're the good guys of the Chinese Zodiac. There is some truth to that theory, since the Ox is smart, trustworthy, caring and honorable. If you need honest, steady and unbiased advice, call on the Ox.

"A good lesson for mighty Oxen is to strive to overcome a judgmental nature that keeps them from getting close to others. If they can learn to value their own good qualities, they'll have more room in their hearts to invite others in."


From Wikipedia:


Roughly-equivalent Western sign:
Capricorn

Positive Traits: Responsible, dependable, honest, caring, honourable, intelligent, artistic, industrious, practical

Negative Traits: Petty, inflexible, possessive, dogmatic, gullible, stubborn, critical, intolerant, materialistic


Superstitions during the New Year period
*The following is a list of beliefs that vary according to dialect groups / individuals.

Good luck

- Opening windows and/or doors is considered to bring in the good luck of the new year.
- Switching on the lights for the night is considered good luck to 'scare away' ghosts and spirits of misfortune that may compromise the luck and fortune of the new year.
- Sweets are eaten to ensure the consumer a "sweet" year.
- It is important to have the house completely clean from top to bottom before New Year's Day for good luck in the coming year. (however, as explained below, cleaning the house on or after New Year's Day is frowned upon)
- Some believe that what happens on the first day of the new year reflects the rest of the year to come. Chinese people will often gamble at the beginning of the year, hoping to get luck and prosperity.
- Wearing a new pair of slippers that is bought before the new year, because it means to step on the people who gossip about you.
- The night before the new year, bathe yourself in pomelo leaves and some say that you will be healthy for the rest of the new year.
- Changing different things in the house such as blankets, clothes, mattress covers etc. is also a well respected tradition in terms of cleaning the house in preparation for the new year.

Bad luck

- Buying a pair of shoes is considered bad luck amongst some Chinese. The character for "shoe" (鞋) is a homophone for the character 諧/谐, which means "rough" in Cantonese; in Mandarin it is also a homophone for the character for "evil" (邪).
- Getting a hair-cut in the first lunar month puts a curse on maternal uncles. Therefore, people get a hair-cut before the New Year's Eve.
- Washing your hair is also considered to be washing away one's own luck (although modern hygienic concerns take precedence over this tradition)
- Sweeping the floor is usually forbidden on the first day, as it will sweep away the good fortune and luck for the new year.
- Saying words like "finished" and "gone" is inauspicious on the New Year, so sometimes people would avoid these words by saying "I have completed eating my meal" rather than say "I have finished my meal."
- Talking about death is inappropriate for the first few days of Chinese New Year, as it is considered inauspicious.
- Buying (or reading) books is bad luck because the character for "book" (書/书) is a homonym to the character for "lose" (輸/输).
- Avoid clothes in black and white, as black is a symbol of bad luck, and white is a traditional Chinese funeral colour.
- Foul language is inappropriate during the Chinese New Year.
- Offering anything in fours, as the number four (四), pronounced sì, can sound like "death" (死), pronounced sĭ, in Chinese. Pronunciations given here are for Mandarin, but the two words are also near-homophones in Cantonese.
- One should never buy a clock for someone or for oneself because a clock in Chinese tradition means one's life is limited or "the end," which is also forbidden.
- Avoid medicine and medicine related activities (at least on the first day) as it will give a bad fortune on one's health and lessen the luck one can obtain from New Years.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

We the people!

Everyone's thrilled that Bush is out and Obama is in!

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We're the ones we've been waiting for. We're the change that we seek."
- Barack Obama
There will be lots of celebrating going on tonight and not just in the United States! We up here in Canada just love American politics. It's way more exciting than ours and what with a new leader that will actually do something for his people and for his country ... WELL!! There is hope for the world ...

Heck, can anyone even name a Canadian politician that actually made a difference recently?

I'm not saying I don't love Canada, I truly do! I may not have shown up for the last election since there weren't any worthwhile candidates, but I do speak both languages, English and French, and I have built many an igloo in my backyard as a kid.

Yes, I am extremely patriotic ... I have a beaver!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Technological advancements with the booty call

Used to be: "Hey, wanna come over and watch a video or something?"

Now it's: "Hey, wanna come over and play some Wii or something?"


Wii = cool interactive video game

We = one male and one female

Wee = interactive game played by the We after the Wii


"If you lose your way, I will help you find it."